Kingdom Dorks II
by Usagi-Zakura
Summary: Parody on Kingdom Hearts II. Sora wakes up in Twiligth Town, discovering someone's been drawing on his face. Who drew it there? How is Riku able to get a tanks into the haunted mansion? Why is Xigbar only saying random stuff? R&R and maybe you'll find out
1. Word Thief

**Usagi: (switching to my DA-nickname in this fic, as it's easier to write than Miss.Ecofreak anyway) Hi both new and old readers of my parodies, to the newest instalment of the Dork-series (this one however has nothing to do with the other three… it just has a similar name as that is what I call most of my parodies)**

**Sora: we are so doomed…**

**Usagi: he knows me already. Coughtoowellcough. **

**Zakura: shall I bunnyfy him?**

**Usagi: I thought you already did?**

**Zakura: that was in Dork period, it doesn't work on other fics.**

**Usagi: ah… go ahead then.**

**Zakura: USAGI NO JUTSU!**

**Sora the bunny: what the???**

**Usagi: don't worry; I'll have you changed back before your part starts.**

**Anyways, I don't own Kingdom Hearts or I wouldn't be here writing fanfiction about it. This is a parody on Kingdom hearts II, so it contains spoilers for it too.**

**I would not recommend you even starting this fic before you've completed KHII, since the Dork-series tend to spoil their own endings already at the start. You have been warned! **

**Now it's time to start...**

**Sora: are you gonna change me back now?**

**Usagi: nope. This is Roxas' time to shine.**

**Roxas: yay! Nobodies rule!**

* * *

**CHAPTER 1**

**WORD-THIEF**

Random dark beach-thingy.

It was a dark and stormy night.

Well not exactly stormy… but it was dark enough.

A man dressed in a black coat came out of a black portal-thingy, and approached another man in another black coat.

The second dude had a flashlight.

"Dude… that really destroyed the mood here" the first guy said.

"Geez. Sorry" the second guy said and threw the flashlight away. "Anyways, I've just been to see him, he looks a lot like you".

"You've been to see who?"

"I dunno. This scene doesn't make any sense anyway" the second guy said. "You want a coffee?"  
"Why thank you"

And so the two men in black sat down drinking coffee...

Twilight Town. Day 1

Moving on from this utterly pointless scene, on to another not as pointless yet still dumb scene.

Four friends from Twilight Town had gathered at the usual spot, complaining about being unfairly treated.

"Lovely weather today ain't it Pence?" the girl said as she took a sip of her tea.

"Yes indeed, it's been wonderful. Don't you think so too Roxas?" her friend reply.

"Shut up! I'm trying to beat Bowser here!" Roxas snapped.

"Guys… we didn't come her to have a tea party!" a third boy yelled. "Neither did we come to play Super Mario-games" he added to Roxas, who was playing on his game boy.

"But I just got to the last level!" Roxas said as his friend, Hayner, grabbed the game boy and smashed it to bits with a black keyshaped blade.

Roxas screamed. "You destroyed my… is that MY keyblade?" he said and grabbed Oblivion from Hayner.

"Er… whatever. I think it is very unfair that we're being treated as thieves!" Hayner said.

"Why? What has been stolen?" the girl, Olette asked.

"I don't know… no one seem to be able to tell…" Hayner said.

"Maybe the thieves stole the word too" Pence suggested.  
"Yeah right! That is just as plausible as someone being able to live without even having a heart" Roxas said, as he was still clinging on to Oblivion.

"Let's go find those word-thieves so we can clear our names!" Hayner said and ran out the door. After a short while the three left heard a scream, and Hayner returned, carrying a skateboard.

"Roxas, how many times do I have to tell you NOT to leave your skateboard lying around just in front of the entrance?" he said angry.

"What are you? My mother?" Roxas asked and took the skateboard.

As they went back out, Roxas made sure to place the board inside the Usual Spot, just in front of the door, and noted to himself to make sure Hayner walked in first.

Everywhere the foursome went, they were chased away with guns and blades for stealing whatever, Pence was always running in front, photographing the whole event.

"Pence. Why the f do you keep taking photos of us fleeing for our lives?" Hayner asked, as they hid in a small box.

"How can 4 teenagers fit in a small box?" Roxas asked.

"Welcome to my world of randomness" Jak (from Jak and Daxter) said.

"Get out of my fic!" Roxas yelled and pulled out the Oblivion, before chasing Jak of with it.

"Er… yeah. As I was saying before Roxas jumped out of the box chasing long-eared losers. Why are you photographing him chasing losers?" Hayner asked Pence, who had stuck his head out of the box to take pictures of Roxas.

"Well… We should have some memories from our last week of summer vacation right?" Pence said.

"These pictures don't remind us of anything other than Roxas being an idiot, knock it of" Hayner said.

Suddenly a white thing came by and grabbed Pence's camera.

"Hey! He stole my camera!" Pence yelled.

"After him!" Roxas said and quickly forgot about Jak, and started chasing the white thing.

Roxas chased the stranger towards the Haunted Mansion, and tried to hit it with a stick.

It proved useless.  
"Man, this is useless" Roxas said.

**Yes genius, I just said that.**

"Who are you?" Roxas asked.

**Miss.Ecofreak. Who else?  
**"Whatever" Roxas said. Suddenly the stick transformed into the kingdom key.

"Whoa! What's this?... and why couldn't I get the oblivion instead?" Roxas asked.

**Because you don't have that one yet.**

"But I was just using it…"  
**YOU DON'T HAVE IT YET! DEAL WITH IT!**

"Geez. Someone's grumpy today" Roxas said, and used the Kingdom Key to defeat the mysterious thief.

Once he had defeated his enemy, he also found all the stolen photos.

"Aha… so THAT'S what was stolen" he said.

He brought the stolen pictures back to its owners, including Pence, who was now looking through them.

"Hey! Did anyone notice all the stolen pictures where of Roxas?" Pence asked.

"No. If you haven't noticed YOU'RE the one looking through them" Hayner said.

"Must be a crazy fan girl or something" Roxas said. "Chicks like me".

"I thought fan girls liked fanarts of you and Axel being boyfriends better?" Pence asked.

"They don'… Who the hell is Axel?" Roxas asked.

Outside a red-haired man started crying.

Back inside the four friends were making up theories as to why all the stolen pictures were of Roxas.

"What if the strangers really are sent out by an evil heartless organization who plans to capture Roxas because he was previously one of their own who was captured by a weirdo wearing a blindfold and lost all his memories before he was sent here and it turns out this place isn't real but a computer simulation made up so that Roxas won't notice, and it turns out Roxas is a heartless version of a hero who has been asleep for a year and needs Roxas to regain his full power?" Pence asked.

"Dude… that's about the dumbest thing I've ever heard" Roxas said. "I'm sure they're obsessed fan girls who wanted to decorate their rooms with the photos or something."  
"Now who in their right mind would do that?" Pence asked, as he put away the pictures. Not noticing a girl sneaking in, followed by two rabbits and a hamster, who stole the pictures and brought them home to decorate my…I mean her room with them.

"What if the picture thief was really Seifer in disguise?" Olette asked.

"Nah… he hasn't even been introduced yet. Though he should have been" Hayner said.

Right on cue, Seifer and his gang quickly ran into the scene.

"I'm right here! And I'm wondering whether any of you losers know WHY I haven't been introduced yet?" Seifer asked.

"Because the author was too busy writing about ME!" Roxas said. "I'm the main character of this fic."

"No you're not…" Seifer said.

"Am too! Look, I'm on the front-page. Don't see YOU on the front-page. Huh? HUH?" Roxas said and pushed a copy of Kingdom Hearts 2 into Seifer's face.

"There's a whole bunch of people on this front page so it doesn't really make you the main character" Seifer said.

"Maybe not. But since you're NOT on the front page and I AM it makes me a more important character so hah!" Roxas said stubbornly.

"Roxas is feeling a little selfish today" Olette said.

"Wouldn't it be weird if the thief stole the real Roxas or something?" Pence asked.

"Ha! As if that will ever happen" Hayner said as a stranger suddenly walked in and snatched Roxas.

"Er… that wasn't in the script…" Seifer said.

"Neither are you being in here. Tea?" Olette asked.

* * *

**Usagi: oh there will be a lot more that's not in the script here Seifer, a lot more (evillaugh)**

**Sora: you enjoy watching us suffer don't you?**

**Usagi: no…. I enjoy watching you do stupid things.**

**Sora: that's it! Give me back my keyblade! (Grabs the Kingdom Key from Roxas) do you want a piece of this?**

**Usagi: no. You better behave before I shut you into that flower-orb-thingy again.**

**Sora: Sigh (leaves) **

**Roxas: wait Sora! I need that blade for later! (Runs after him)**

**Zakura: what did you do this his keyblades?**

**Usagi: nothing… (Sits on Roxas' keyblades) Please review if you like random parodies. If you don't…why the heck are you still reading? **


	2. Stuff Thief

**Usagi: Yay! I got so many nice reviews (well 3…) for the first chapter. That gives me all the more reason to write more.**

**Sora: damn! **

**Usagi: shut up or I'll transform you into a rat! (Rats are cute…)**

**Sora: o.O**

**SPOILER AHEAD (Do not read if you haven't finished KH2)**

**Usagi: has anyone else but me noticed Riku keeps stealing Roxas' stuff? He took away the money bag, his crystal-thingy, and later a picture and an ice cream… So this chapter is about Riku (Aka: the man in black) who comes in and steal all of Roxas' stuff.**

**Zakura: and for those of you who ignored the spoiler alert and don't mind getting it spoiled, the guy who calls himself "Ansem" at the start of the game is really Riku, he just looks a little different from the first game…**

**Usagi: most of the first game anyways…

* * *

**

**CHAPTER 2**

**STUFF-THIEF**

Twilight Town. Day 2

While his friends and Seifer were drinking tea, Roxas had somehow managed to break free from the crazy fangirls as some random people from Final Fantasy just happened to pass by, and then the fangirls started chasing them instead.

The next day Roxas woke up, after having strange dream about a tall dumb dog, a nearly-talking duck and a kid swinging the same keyblade that had just magically appeared in Roxas' hand the day before.

Roxas decided to check if he was able to summon the keyblade again, so he went outside, grabbed a stick and started swinging it around.

But as it didn't work, he threw the stick away and it hit some guy in a black cloak, who got it in his face and then ran away crying.

"Er… Sorry about that…" Roxas said. "Jerk…"

He went inside the Usual Spot and found all his friends still drinking tea. Seifer had gone home the day before.

"Do you guys live in here or something?" Roxas asked.

"Apparently. Tea?" Hayner said, offering a cup of tea to his friend.

"Er… no. Don't you have any salt-sea ice cream?" Roxas asked.

"Eywh!" all his friends said, including a few that weren't in the room...

"What do you mean "Eywh? I don't like tea!" Roxas said. "And this guy in black came and stole my breakfast this morning."

"Again? You always keep complaining about this man in black who comes in and steals your food, your money, your pants, your winter white dwarf hamster, your keyblade or whatever. Yet no one but you is able to see him. Sure you haven't just misplaced your stuff?" Pence asked.

"Yes! I always keep my room very tidy! Since the man in black stole my mess!" Roxas complained.

"Riiigth" his friends said in unison.

"You think I'm nuts don't you?" Roxas asked.

"Of course not. We think you're crazy" Hayner said.

Roxas glared at him, as a man in black suddenly ran in and stole his hat.

"He did it again!" Roxas yelled.

"Roxas, you never wore a hat" Hayner said.

"I…how did you know he stole a hat when you can't see him?" Roxas asked.

"I know what you need. How about we all go to the beach?" Hayner said. "We haven't been there all vacation."

"Yay! That's something the idiot in black can't steal from me!" Roxas said. Suddenly the man returned, and knocked him out before stealing his game boy…

Roxas woke up three hours later, still on the floor; his shirt was missing for some reason… This man dressed in black was really starting to get on his nerves.

He looked up and saw his friends eating lunch.

"Ah. Finally you're awake" Hayner said.

"You wouldn't mind moving me to a softer ground next time I fall unconscious?" Roxas grunted.

"Ah… that was a smart idea. I'll try to remember that" Hayner said. "Tea?"

"Don't you guys ever eat anything?" Roxas asked, as he just noticed his friends hadn't been eating lunch after all, they had just been drinking tea.

"Well you only eat ice cream" Hayner commented.

"Well that is because…"  
"…a man in black stole your food? Come on" Hayner said. "Let's go to the beach!"

All three ran out of the door, leaving Roxas alone.

"Actually it was my cat that ate my food. WAIT FOR ME!" he yelled and ran after his friends, tripping in his own skateboard in the way.

"WHO PUT THAT…oh right… that was me."

Roxas caught up with his friends at the train station.

"Where were you? Did you trip in your own skateboard or something?" Hayner said.

"No. I'm not THAT dumb" Roxas said.

"Whatever. Here's the munny we got for the train tickets. 5000 munny!" Olette said happily.

"Joy!" Roxas said happily, and grabbed the bag with the money in.

His three friends ran into the station, yet Roxas tripped on his own skateboard again.

"What the? I didn't bring that here?" he said confused.

Suddenly the man in black returned, he grabbed Roxas by the hand and pulled him back up.

"Can you feel Sora?" the man asked.

"What the? Are you here to steal my stuff again?" Roxas said.

"Roxas! Stop talking to the mysterious man in black that we can't even see and get over here!" Hayner yelled.

Roxas looked to his side but the man was gone. Well not really, he was speeding out of the station area on Roxas' skateboard, he was also holding Olette's money bag over his head.

Roxas decided to not shout at him, as that would only make his friends say he was nuts again.

Instead he walked into the station.

But inside they found a sign that said "The train to the beach has been cancelled because DiZ never bothered to make a beach".

"Aw man" Pence said.

"Who the hell is DiZ?" Roxas asked.

"I don't know…" Hayner said.

Still Twilight Town

Meanwhile somewhere else, a man whose face was all covered in bandages was working on his computer as the man in black came by.

"Is it really that hard to make a beach?" the black-coated man asked (Heck, lets just say Riku)

"We would be giving the enemy an extra entrance point. We can't risk that" DiZ (the guy with the bandages) said.

"Why bother? The nobodies have already managed to get in anyway" Riku said.

"Well they… don't you have work to do?"

"Nope. I just walk around here criticizing you. That's my job."

"Well then go help Namine draw or something. You're just being disturbing."

"By the way, who's nobody is Namine anyway?"

"I could tell you but then I would have to kill you."

Riku glared at DiZ… DiZ didn't notice since the boy still had his hood on.

"Just kidding" Diz added.

* * *

**Usagi: well how did you like that?**

**Sora: please say you hated it! Pleeeease!**

**Riku: I highly doubt that will work, she's an insane crazy little girl.**

**Kairi: Don't those two words mean the same?  
Riku: whatever. She's insane, crazy, nuts, foolish, dumb and stupid at the same time**

**Usagi: Zakura…**

**Zakura: USAGI NO JUTSU! (Both Riku and Kairi are transformed into rabbits)**

**Kairi: hey! I didn't say anything bad!**

**Usagi: no, but Sora looked so lonely**

**Sora: what the?**

**Usagi: please review.**


	3. Meeting Namine

**Usagi: Welcome back readers! To another exiting chapter of Kingdom Dorks.**

**Zakura: exiting? I wouldn't call it that.**

**Sora: (can't talk because he's tied to a chair)**

**Usagi: um. Whatever. Here comes the chapter were Roxas first bumps into Namine…literally…**

**Roxas: can I get my keyblades back now?**

**Usagi: no! (Stashes oblivion and oathkeeper into a cupboard)**

**CHAPTER 3**

**MEETING NAMINE**

Twilight Town. 3. Day

Roxas woke up next morning with the feeling of being watched by a blonde girl in white clothes.

He looked to his side but there was no one there, but more of his stuff was missing.

"I am so going to kill that guy who keeps taking my stuff" he muttered to himself.

He got out of bed and got dressed, while walking through the street he saw Pence and Olette walking towards him.

"Hi Roxas" both said.

Roxas was about to greet them when time suddenly stopped.

"Well this is getting weirder every day" Roxas said, and ran towards his friends, crashing into the blonde girl who was suddenly standing in his way.

"Ouch! Hi Roxas" the girl said.

"Er…" Roxas just looked confused.

"I just wanted to see you, just this once" the girl said.

"Are you somehow related to the weirdo who steals my stuff?" Roxas asked.

The girl however, didn't answer, she just walked away.

As soon as she was gone, Pence and Olette started moving again.

"Olette dragged me to go shopping" Pence explained.

Roxas wasn't listening; he just looked for that blonde girl.

"Did you guys just see…?"

"What? The man in black who keeps taking your things again?" Olette asked.

"No! It was a blonde girl in a white dress!" Roxas said.

"He's nuts" Pence said and they both left.

"Did she go to that haunted mansion?" Roxas wondered.

He decided to go check it out, but on his way he was attacked by mysterious white thingies.

"Aah! Mysterious white thingies!" he yelled and ran of in the other direction.

While running through the town he met Seifer and his gang.

"Hey chicken wuzz" Seifer said in a friendly manner. "Wazzup?"  
Before Roxas had time to answer, the white guys returned.

"Aah! Mysterious white thingies!" Seifer yelled, and ran of with his friends.

Roxas just stared after them.

"Some help you are" he said.

The mysterious white thingies (lets just say dusks because I'm sick of saying that) surrounded Roxas. He tried calling the oblivion and oathkeeper but Usagi still had those stashed away somewhere.

"Darnit, that girl is so going to pay for this" Roxas muttered.

"Roxas! Use the keyblade!" a new voice yelled.

Roxas looked up and saw the blonde girl again. "I just tried! It ain't working!" he yelled back.

"Not those blades moron!" the blonde girl replied.

"Well, that Kingdom Key look as if it's been taken straight out of a dumb Disney Movie or something" Roxas said.

"Well… it's either using the kingdom key or being killed by nobodies" the girl said.

A nobody charged at Roxas, who put up his hands to defend himself from an attack that never came.

Instead the nobody disappeared, so did the girl and even Twilight Town.

Roxas opened his eyes and found himself standing on a large round picture of the same guy he had been dreaming about the past days.

"This keeps getting weirder every day. Maybe Pence is right and my life IS a computer simulation. Either that or I'm trapped in a silly RPG-game made by Disney or Square Enix…maybe both" Roxas said to himself.

"Stop talking to yourself" a voice said.

"…Or maybe I'm just nuts" Roxas added.

Suddenly a staff, a sword and a shield appeared in front of him.

Roxas grabbed the sword, which transformed into the Kingdom Key.

"What do I need to do to get a decent looking blade in this fic?" he yelled up into the air.

**It depends… what's your offer?**

"Ehm… I could get you some private photos from the other members of Organization XIII?" Roxas suggested.

With a flash, the Kingdom Key was replaced by the Oblivion.

"Thank you! Maybe you're not such a nutcase after all" Roxas said.

**Don't push your luck, nr XIII (or 13 for those who can't read roman numbers), otherwise you'll end up with nothing but a stick.**

"Okay… note to self, be nice to the author. That might give me some extra advantages in this fic" Roxas said to himself.

"Stop talking to yourself" said the mysterious voice again.

"Damn it! Where does that voice come from?" Roxas asked.

**I don't know…**

"Some author you are…" Roxas muttered. "I mean really talented of course" he added as the oblivion started glowing again, threatening to transform into a stick.

Roxas decided to go out exploring this strange new world, as he was suddenly attacked by the biggest nobody he had ever seen…at least he couldn't remember once ever seeing anyone bigger.

After a long intense battle that was too great to describe with words, all went black.

Roxas couldn't see anything before a hand grabbed his and pulled him out of the darkness.

Suddenly he found himself standing in a white room; the blonde girl was sitting in front of him.

"What the?" Roxas said.

"My name is Namine" the blond girl said.

"Fine. Nice to meet you" Roxas said.

"Roxas. Do you remember your true name?" Namine asked.

Roxas stared at her. "Roxas?"

"No… not that one" Namine said.

"Well… Usagi calls me XIII every now and then but…" Roxas said.

"Not that one either" Namine said.

Suddenly the guy dressed in black…Riku appeared and grabbed Namine.

"You talk too much" he said.

"Hey! You're that guy who keeps taking my stuff!" Roxas said.

"I'm not… I was just borrowing it" Riku said in defence.

"Then give it back!" Roxas said.

"No" Riku replied, and pushed Roxas into a black hole.

When Roxas opened his eyes he was back in Twilight Town, and Seifer's gang was taking photos of him.

"Hey! Why do you take pictures of me when I'm unconscious?" Roxas said.

"Because you're so cute when you're sleeping" Seifer explained.

"Riiiight" Roxas said, and left.

**Roxas: (snuggles oblivion) Don't ever leave me again!**

**Sora: (somehow managed to break free from the chair) Why are you being so nice to him?**

**Usagi: (too busy looking at the photos she got from Roxas) **

**Riku: (sighs) Fan girls. **

**Zakura: since my owner is preoccupied at the moment I feel it is my duty to tell you REVIEW OR I'LL SMASH THIS EXPENSIVE VASE! (Holds the vase hostage)**


	4. Short Tournament

**Usagi: We're back! For another exiting… aw man it's just the struggle tournament.**

**Sora: you should know by now the exiting stuff doesn't even start before I come in!**

**Usagi: meh… it's more exiting when Riku comes in**

**Riku: I thought I already had…**

**Sora: why do you get to appear before me?**

**Riku: technically I don't… there are few who even knew it was me from the beginning.**

**DiZ: that's what you get for stealing my name, idiot.**

**Riku: … he started! (Points accusingly at Xeanorth's heartless.)**

**Roxas: can we just go back to telling stories about me now?**

**Usagi: alright then. Here's the Struggle Tournament… drastically shortened to save paper.**

**Sora: what paper? You're on a computer dimwit**

**Usagi: will someone put him back in the flower thingy?

* * *

**

**CHAPTER 4**

**SHORT TOURNAMENT**

STILL Twilight Town. 4. Day

The next day was the day of the struggle tournament.

Both Roxas and Hayner had entered, as well as some of the minor characters.

"HEY! Who're you calling minor???" Seifer asked.

"Yeah!" said Vivi.

"Front page!" Roxas added, once again showing of the cover of KH2 where neither Seifer nor Vivi were present.

But since they are so minor let's just skip the whole tournament.

"What the?" Hayner said. "You're skipping my fight?"  
**Yes jerk, I'm skipping it since there's no fun seeing a couple of guys knock each other with sticks! And I can't have Roxas using the oblivion either because it's against the rules.**

"Bummer…" Roxas said.

So we'll just skip to the Vivi versos Roxas-fight.

Roxas was just wondering whether he could summon the oblivion just fast enough to cut Vivi's head of and then put it back without anyone noticing when he suddenly noticed time had stopped again.  
"Aw man! If Pence is right and this IS a computer simulation, that computer needs to be fixed!" Roxas said, and kicked a random rock in hopes he would be able to restart time.

Then suddenly a sharp light appeared around Vivi and transformed him into a dusk.

"What the hell?" Roxas said, and summoned oblivion. Surely no one would notice now as time had stopped anyway.

Several other nobodies appeared as well and once again Roxas was forced to fight them all by himself.

As soon as he was done fighting, he expected everything to go back to normal since it usually did… however this time it didn't.

"Hm… did I kick that rock too hard?" Roxas wondered.

Then suddenly he heard clapping, and saw a guy dressed in black.

"Hey! Are you that freak who keeps stealing my stuff?" Roxas asked.

"No… You must be confusing me with someone else. Don't you remember me?" the guy said.

"You're wearing a hood damn it! I can't even see your face!" Roxas said.

"Oh… right" The guy said and took his hood of. "The name is Axel, got it memorised?"

"No… what was it again?" Roxas asked.

Axel stared at him. "Talk about blank with a capital B."

Then suddenly with no explanation at all (like anything else that happens here really) a second freak appeared, one with his whole face covered in bandages.

"Roxas! This man speaks nonsense!" he said.

"Well so do you… and anyone else in this fic for that matter" Roxas said.

"Even the author?" Axel asked.

"She makes less sense of all" Roxas replied.

**Oh… Is that so…**

"Don't let him deceive you!" Axel said.

"Don't let _him_ deceive you" Said the second dude.

"Hey! Stop copying what I say! Got it memorised?" Axel said.

"Hey! Stop copying what I say! I refuse to use that overused line!" said the second guy…DiZ.

"Overused? I'll show you overused!" Axel said and threw his flaming weapons at DiZ.

"Now who's not making sense?" Roxas said and shook his head. "Am I the only sane person in this simulated world?"  
"Well I wouldn't exactly call you sane either" said Namine.

"How come?" Roxas asked.

"Well… you keep seeing people who aren't supposed to be here… like me" Namine said.

"For the love of… why don't you just get lost… all three of you and leave me alone?!" Roxas asked.

"Works for me" DiZ said, he grabbed Axel by the hood and Namine by the hand and dragged them both away.

Then suddenly the people around Roxas started moving again, Vivi returned and fainted.

"Okay… I don't know what just happened but it seems Roxas won!" the judge announced.

"Well of course I did. I'm the main character" Roxas snorted.

"So that means you get to face of our grand champion Setzer!" the judge said.

"Oh just great… I'm tired" Roxas said.

"Hey Rucksack! How about you just throw the match?" Setzer said.  
"Okay. Bye!" Roxas said and ran of.

"…That was a little too easy" Setzer said.

Later that day the happy four friends were sitting on a clocktower.

"How on earth did we get up here?" Roxas suddenly asked.

"You ask so many strange questions" Hayner said.

"Hey guys! I have a present for all of us!" Olette said and pulled out four ice creams.

"Eyw!" Pence and Hayner said.

However Roxas was thrilled, he got to his feet…and fell of the clock tower…moron…

Destiny Islands

Meanwhile, a girl was walking through the street on her way home from school, as she heard someone calling.

"Kairi! Wait up!"

Selphie ran up to her.

"Oh hi Selphie" Kairi said.

"Say Kairi. Do you feel like going out to the island? Square Enix didn't bother putting Tidus and Wakka into the game so I have no one else to go with me" Selphie asked.

"No. Not now" Kairi said. "Do you remember those boys who used to hang out with us?"

"…Tidus and Wakka?"  
"No... They're not even in this game for some strange reason."

"...Riku?"  
"Yeah. That's the one."  
"I wonder what happened to him. You think he's been trapped in a dark realm or something?"  
"No. Don't be ridiculous… And what about the other boy?"

"…Tidus?"

"No… He and Wakka STILL aren't in the game."  
"…Leon?"  
"Have you ever met him?"  
"No. But I can't seem to recall any others. Sure you didn't make him up?"

"Namine?"

Kairi could hear the voice yet no one else did… It was Roxas by the way… he was still falling from the tower… a very tall tower by the looks of it.

"Who are you? And that's not my name. My name is Kairi" Kairi answered the voice.

"Kairi! I know you. You're that girl he likes" Roxas said, remembering the name from those messed up dreams he had in his messed up little head.  
"I heard that!"

"Who?"

"I was just talking to the author" Roxas said.

"No not that… please a name!" Kairi said.  
"My name is Roxas".

"And what is HIS name?"  
"What? You don't even remember my name?" said a third voice; suddenly Roxas could hear crying in his head, which slowly got fainter.

"O…K?" Roxas said.

"What was that?" Kairi asked.

"Never mind. One of the crazy stuff that happens in this fic I guess"

Kairi lay unconscious on the road… no one seemed to know when and why exactly she fell… but that's not important.

"Kairi? Are you alright?" Selphie asked.

"Yeah. I'm fine" Kairi said and ran down to the beach.

"She's nuts…" Selphie said to herself.

As the two girls got to the beach, Kairi pulled out a bottle from her bag.

"What's that?" Selphie asked.

"It's a bottle. Duh! I wrote a letter yesterday to the boy I don't remember, and put it in this bottle" Kairi said and placed the bottle in the water.  
"So… you think by putting it into the water he's somehow going to get it?" Selphie asked. "But what if he's like at another planet or something?"

"And you say I'm not making sense? Geez. This letter is where it starts I know it" Kairi said. "Or maybe he'll just get it at the very end of the game… but let's not hope that".

"Yeah. Hope not" Selphie said. "Am I going to appear more in this fic?" she suddenly asked.

"Probably not. You were a minor character from the start" Kairi said.

"Aw damnit! Well then I'll just go back to Tidus and Wakka and go back to being absent throughout the whole game" Selphie said and walked of.

* * *

**Usagi: poor Selphie… getting so little screen time**

**Tidus: what about us???**

**Usagi:… right… **

**Roxas: who cares about them anyway?  
Sora: this should be about me!  
Usagi: Please! Someone get him of the set! **

**(The staff comes by and carries Sora away)  
Zakura: wow! I didn't even know you had a staff.**

**Usagi: apart from you, Sasuke, and the hamsters, neither did I…**

**Please review!**


	5. The six wonders

**Usagi: hi! Sorry for the long wait. I think it's limited how fun you can make Twilight Town… Whoever figured out it was a good idea to add a two hour long tutorial in a digital world anyway?**

**Zakura: well you do get to play as Roxas.**

**Usagi: about the only good thing about it… Well anyhow…**

**Sora: when do I get to appear? I feel neglected! I'm not in Kingdom Dorks OR Light in darkness currently!**

**Usagi: in time…in time… Not sure if you'll like it though.**

**Sora: (shudders)**

**Usagi: anyhow. Here comes Twilight Town day 5.**

**Roxas: I'm an important character because I'm on the front page.**

**Sora: I'M ON FRONT OF YOU DUMBASS!

* * *

**

**CHAPTER 5**

**THE SEVEN WONDERS**

Twilight Town. Day 5

"Homework-time!" Olette yelled one fine summer morning, as she dumped a ton of paper onto each of the boys.

"Damn it woman! It's summer vacation! School hasn't even started yet!" Roxas said angry. "You made me loose my game boy" he added as he started searching the papers for his game boy.

"Don't forget! We had an assignment to do during the summer break, we promised to do it today!" Olette said.

"What kind of teacher gives out homework during summer holidays anyway?" Pence asked.

"Ours…. So anyone have a suggestion for a subject?" Olette asked.

"Teacher's pet" Hayner muttered as Olette cast him a death-glare.

"What about we study how to find a game boy hidden in a ton of paper?" Roxas suggested, still searching for his game boy.

"Argh! Enough about that stupid game boy already! I have a suggestion Olette" Pence said. "How about we study the seven wonders of Twilight Town?"

"Good idea! I'll go get some ice cream to celebrate" Roxas said.

"Eywh!" his friends said.

"What do you mean "eyw"? I don't like tea!" Roxas yelled.

"We've through this before. Let's just get started" Hayner said. "Let's just hope this DiZ-guy bothered to make these "wonders" you speak of".

And so the four friends headed of to Sunset Terrace to find the stairs that counted different going up and down.

"OMG! What an amazing staircase!" Roxas said.

"Erm… we haven't even counted the steps yet" Pence said.  
"I know that. The amazing thing is that colour! Awful!" Roxas said.

Pence just stared at him. "You're an idiot you know that?" he said.

"Fine then. What are the other wonders?" Roxas asked.

"Well… there is this place where mysterious balls keep falling out of a wall" Hayner said.

"Cool! Let's go check it out!" Roxas said and ran of.

"I didn't even tell him where it was…" Hayner said.

"No matter. He seems to have a map over the whole city for some reason" Olette said. "Why on earth he needs a map to get around in his home town is beyond my understanding though…"

"That's what I'm telling you! He's not from this town! He's from an evil organization thingy determined to retrieve their lost hearts!" Pence said.

"You're an idiot you know that?" Hayner said.

Roxas ran down in town not having a clue where he was going, until he was suddenly knocked out by a ball.

"Hey! Who's throwing balls at me?" He yelled.

He looked into an alley, and saw the guy dressed in black, holding a ball.

"You're determined to make my life suck, don't you?" Roxas asked.

"Yup. That's my sole purpose in life" the man, Riku said and threw his ball at Roxas.

"Jerk" Roxas said, as he went to investigate the next wonder.

He went into a tunnel, where people had been hearing strange sounds, only to encounter Riku again, playing "Sanctuary" backwards on his iPod **(Try that, you will discover things)**. He had it plugged into a speaker, which explained the mysterious sounds.

"Dude… weren't you just in the alley throwing a ball?" Roxas asked.  
Riku stared at him, at least Roxas thought he did, he couldn't see his face.

"…No?" he said eventually.

Roxas sighed and went back out.

The fourth "wonder" was concerning a strange waterfall, where people claimed to see a shadow version of themselves.

When Roxas arrived a shadow heartless suddenly jumped out of the waterfall, followed by…Riku…

"You again? What is that thing?" Roxas asked, pointing to the heartless.

"Oh… that's a shadow. The most common heartless types. They show up everywhere these days" Riku said.

"So… why do you have it?" Roxas asked.

"It's my pet. Come her Roxy-boy" Riku said and the heartless ran up to him.

"What did you call that thing?" Roxas asked.

"I named it Roxas. Since it's the dumbest pet I've ever owned. Right little Roxy-kun?" Riku said, petting the heartless.

"You truly are the biggest moron ever" Roxas said and left.

He walked up to the sunset hill, where he heard rumours that there was a moving sack.

He saw the sack, it was indeed moving, but Roxas was still having doubts.

"Okay weirdo wearing black, come out" he said.

Riku stuck his head out of the sack.

"How did you know it was me?" he asked.

"You keep popping up everywhere today. Now get lost!" Roxas said.

Riku walked away moping.

"Hey Roxas! Did you find anything wonderful?" Pence asked.

"No. It was just the weirdo that keeps taking my stuff and his pet heartless who was behind all the rumours" Roxas said.

"You mean that guy who no one else but you can see? Bummer. Well I'm sure you're going to like the next one, wonder nr 6!" Pence said.

"Why?" Roxas asked.

"It's called the ghost-train mystery! They say a train pass by here that has no driver or no passengers" Pence said.

"And that I'm going to like because?" Roxas asked.

"Argh! Just watch!" Pence said.

Hayner and Olette appeared and so the foursome sat down and stared at the railway.

Just then, Seifer and his gang appeared.

"Well who have we got here? The guy who's _not_ at the cover" Roxas said.

"Shut up about your stupid cover anyway. What are you idiots doing?" Seifer asked.

"Waiting for the ghost train" Pence said.

Seifer stared at him.

"Do you have any idea how dumb that sounded?" he asked.

"It's not dumb" Pence said.

"Yes it is! Waiting for a ghost train? That's like the dumbest thing I've ever heard!"

"Then you should hear Roxas' whining the last few days" Hayner said as Roxas glared at him.

"Whatever. I have better things to be doing" Seifer said and left, however his friends kept staring at the railway.

"Rai! Fu! Vivi! What are you doing?" Seifer asked.

"Waiting for the ghost train?" Vivi said.

Seifer grabbed them all and pulled them of the terrace.

A couple of minutes passed and the foursome eventually lost all interest and went home, after all the other 5 "wonders" were bogus so why should this be any better?

So they never saw the driver-less train that passed by, which wasn't in fact driverless, Riku was driving, but Roxas was the only one who could see him anyway so it didn't really matter.

* * *

**Usagi: and that was the seven wonders…well six actually…the last one comes in the next chapter.**

**Roxas: it was all a fricking waste of time.**

**Sora: damn right. I wasn't in it.**

**Usagi: yeah… so review? Please? **


	6. The Haunted Mansion

**Usagi: wow. Two updates in one day. But then again both of these chapters also take place at the same day so I guess it's only fair…**

**Anyways, this chapter was a little fun to write, the conversation between Roxas and Namine that is; I just threw in a lot of random comments and pencils flying at Roxas head… not that he'll notice… enjoy the second part of Twilight Town day 5! **

**This chapter contains spoilers for both games (but no, not CoM)…just so you know.

* * *

**

**CHAPTER 6**

**THE HAUNTED MANSION**

The "Seventh Wonder" turned out to be at the haunted mansion.

No one really cared about checking it out, as with any haunted mansion, it usually turned out to be a flapping curtain or something.

Now why the house even HAD curtains was a mystery to the world, and not just a question asked by the Usagi, no one had lived in the house for ages, yet they left their curtains…and their books…and their freaky blonde girl in the window…now wait a second?

"Namine?"

"Roxas! What are you doing in here?" Namine asked.

Roxas was about to answer then…what was he doing inside the mansion anyway? He didn't even remember entering… and why had he even come here even though all his friends had already figured the "wonder" was hoax? Well this fic was making less sense by the minute.

So he ignored the question, turning his attention to the drawings on the walls.

"Damnit Namine, your drawing skills suck!" he said, only to get a pencil stuck in his hair, Namine was using it as a spear to pierce Roxas brain which apparently was his most important body-part seeing as he had no heart…but it didn't hurt Roxas because of all the hair gel he was using.

Roxas noticed a picture of two boys, one with red hair and one blonde.

"What's that?" he asked.

"That's you and Axel. You're best friends right?" Namine said.

"Is that supposed to be me?" Roxas asked pointing at the red-hair.

"No… that's Axel."

"Is that me then?" Roxas asked, pointing at another drawing.

"No. That's Pluto. Mickey Mouse's dog. You're the blonde kid next to Axel".

Roxas stared blankly at the wall.

"There?" he asked.

"No… that's a jar of dirt."

"Why did you draw a jar of dirt in there?" Roxas asked as Namine threw another pencil at his head.

He now had two pencils sticking out of his hair like a pair of horns or something.

"Do you know who that is?" Namine asked pointing at another picture.

Roxas stared blankly at it.

"My dog?"

"You don't have a dog… you have a cat. And that's not it" Namine said.

"Trixi-chan's not a dog?" Roxas said.

"No. She meows and has pointy ears. Trixi-chan is a cat. And that's Sora, Donald and Goofy, the ones from those freaky dreams you've been having" Namine said.

"Yeah that's right…how do you know about my dreams, and my cat?" Roxas asked.

"I know about your cat because I gave it to you on your birthday, you just don't remember, and I know about your dreams because I'm psychic!" Namine said and laughed evilly.

Roxas just stared at her with a horrified look on his face until she was done with her maniac laughter.

"O...k… never mind" he said. "So if you know everything maybe you know what the heck is going on here?"

Namine thought about this for a second, then she explained; "You were never supposed to exist."

Roxas stared at her blankly; one of the pencils on his head fell to the side making him look even more confused.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He asked.

"It means that you're a freak of nature who was created when a weirdo stuck a giant key though his chest and therefore loosing his heart causing you to be born and you have no heart, meaning nothing pumps the blood through your body and you have no emotions whatsoever" Namine explained.

"If I have no emotions why am I feeling slightly confused right now?" Roxas asked.

"Because you're a freak by nobody-standards as well" Namine said.

"Oh great. Now I'm really feeling high-spirited" Roxas said.

"Glad I could help" Namine said cheerfully.

"No seriously. Who are you?" Roxas asked.

"I'm a witch. With the power over Sora's memories and everyone connected to him" Namine asked.

"And…who is Sora?"

"The guy in your dreams."

Roxas stared at her.

"…that wasn't meant as a Yaoi-reference" Namine said blankly.

"Oh good. Cause the last thing this fic needs is a SoraRoxas-pairing" Roxas sighed.

"How about AkuRoku?" shouted a voice from outside?

"GET OF MY LAWN AXEL!" Riku's voice was heard.

Roxas walked over to the window just in time to see a large tank roll over the lawn, and Axel running away from it before disappearing into a portal.

"O…k…? That was weird" Roxas said. "Who's the red-hair?"

"That's your best friend idiot. The one on the picture!" Namine said pointing to the drawing of Roxas, Axel and Jack Sparrow's jar of dirt.

"It doesn't look anything like him" Roxas said. "Namine… why do you throw pencils at my hair?"

"Because you're a heartless bastard" Namine said.

"Well if I'm heartless it can't be helped…" Roxas (who now had five pencils stuck in his hair) said as a portal showed up and the tank rolled out of it.

"Riku! How many times have I told you not to bring that thing into the house?!" Namine yelled.

Riku appeared on top of the tank with his pet heartless which was now slightly burned…wonder what happened to it.

"YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!" he yelled.

"I'M TELLING DIZ!" Namine said and ran out of the room.

Riku and Roxas were now alone in the room.

Riku glared at Roxas, Roxas just looked confused.

"Er… I'm going now" Roxas said and left, not looking away from Riku as he walked slowly towards the exit.

Later at the usual spot, Roxas' friends were waiting for him.

"Hi Roxas. Did you find any ghosts?" Olette asked.

"Nah… it was just a bunch of weirdoes with tanks that couldn't draw very well" Roxas said.

"I figured as much, the reports already done" Olette said, handing Roxas a paper.

Roxas read out loud "The rumours were bogus. The end".

"Wow! If this won't give us an A+ I don't know what will! Let's have an ice cream to celebrate" he said enthusiastically.

"Eywh!" his friend said.

"That's really getting old!" Roxas said.

* * *

Flashback/dream. Dark Realm.

It was a dark and stormy night.

Well not exactly stormy… but it was dark enough.

A man dressed in a black coat came out of a black portal-thingy, and approached another man in another black coat.

The second dude had a flashlight.

"Dude… that really destroyed the mood here" Roxas said.

"Geez. Sorry" the second guy said and threw the flashlight away. "Anyways, I've just been to see him, he looks a lot like you".

"Haven't we been through this before?" Roxas asked.

"I don't know. You're the one who keeps seeing weird stuff all the time, weirdo"

"That's it. I'm getting really sick of all these people messing with my head!" Roxas said and ran away crying.

* * *

The World that Never Was. Day…I dun't know….

Sometime later or earlier...never really understood what was going on in that last scene anyway... he arrived at the memory skyscraper, where he was attacked by heartless.

Roxas pulled out the oblivion and the oathkeeper, and cheered over finally getting his most priced possessions back and started beating up the poor shadow heartless.

"Shall I avoid killing one so you can keep it as a pet?" Roxas asked the author.

**Oh! Yes please!**

"Well that settles it. She's insane" Roxas muttered. He looked up at the top of the skyscraper and saw a weirdo wearing a blindfold.

"Hey! Aren't you the guy who keeps taking my stuff?" he asked.

"No! That hasn't even happened yet! This is a flashback you idiot!" The blinded warrior yelled back.

"Idiot? Okay now you're in for it!" Roxas said and started running straight up the building.

The blinded warrior jumped straight of the building, and Roxas threw oblivion at him since he felt like cheating fighting an unarmed guy wearing a blindfold, he might as well fight an armed guy wearing a blindfold or Demyx would call him a wuzz, and if Demyx calls you a wuzz, you're a real wuzz!

As the two fighters reached the ground, they charged at each other, however Riku missed and ran into a wall.

Roxas just looked down at the blinded idiot who was lying on the ground before him.

"Why? Why do you have the keyblade??" Riku asked.

Riku looked at the oathkeeper, and at the same time the author started wondering how he got hold of that keychain…that's supposed to be the lucky charm Kairi gave to Sora AFTER he became a heartless, so after Roxas was born so it was pretty weird…

"Shut up!" Roxas yelled both to the author as well as Riku. So let's just cut it there shall we?

* * *

**Usagi: how was that? Tragic? Sad? Utterly pointless?**

**Sora: I put my finger on the last one. Who's Trixi?**

**Roxas: my kitty! (Hugs Trixi the cat)**

**Usagi: yes. She was first referred to in an earlier chapter as the cat stealing Roxas' food, also she's made a few cameos in Dork period were every character seem to have a pet…like Riku.**

**Riku: I have the best pet in the world! (Pets Roxas the slightly burned heartless)**

**Usagi: nu-uh! My pet heartless isn't burnt!**

**Sora: you don't have a pet heartless.**

**Usagi: yes I do (smirks at Sora, anyone reading Lost in Darkness should know what I'm talking about)**

**Sora: …I don't like you. I dislike you strongly. DIE BITCH!**

**Usagi: and yey! I got to write about the Deep Dive-trailer! I love that video so much, the sad thing is I can't get it to work on my computer (cries)**

**Little brother: Hah! My computer is better than yours!**

**Usagi: Get out of my authors commentary and go play your Wii or something. Damn. He's got a Wii. That probably means I won't get a PS3 (I didn't get a Game Cube because we had PS2). **

**But enough ranting about my sucky computer, the Deep Dive Trailer, Wii and Playstation. Please review and I'll send you a pet heartless! (Pets random heartless)**

**Heartless: (rips out Usagi's heart)**

**Usagi: darn… that's the fifth time that has happened…**

**Zakura: how many hearts do you have?**


	7. The End of Summer

**Usagi: Hello! I'm finally back with a new chapter of KD. A big event has taken place since my last update, at least its big for us KH-fans. **

**Kingdom Hearts 2 Final Mix and Re CoM has been released.**

**Zakura: …In japan.**

**Usagi: I know, and it's SO unfair! I'm still hoping they will release it in Europe as well. I need that game! I've already seen a few of the cutscenes and… SORA FIGHTS ROXAS! FOR REAL! Not just a cutscene as it was in the original game, you actually get to fight him! Aaargh!**

**Roxas: and I PWN him right?**

**Usagi: Of course not. What's the point in a fight scene you're supposed to loose?**

**Roxas: they had that in KH1…**

**Riku: I'm too awesome (smirks)**

**Sora: I beat you the last time. Even my nobody can beat you.**

**Roxas: yeah!  
Riku: are you going to rant all day or shall we get this over with it? **

**Usagi: fine… Here's the next chapter.

* * *

**

**CHAPTER 7**

**THE END OF SUMMER**

Twilight Town. Sixth day.

Roxas woke up one morning after a strange dream…just like any other morning he had woken up, and he usually woke up every morning except that one time when he hadn't slept at all since Demyx decided to have a concert in his living room for no apparent reason… but enough about that.

So the young boy went down to the usual spot to see his friends, who all were just sitting there drinking tea as usual.

"Man I could not sleep last night" Roxas said.

He waited for a moment, only to realise no one paid attention to him. How rude.

"Hello! Main character entering" Roxas said waving his arms. "If I had been an extra you could just go ahead and ignore me but I'm not. I'm at the front cover!"

But no one answered, no one even bothered to get mad at him for once again mentioning that stupid front cover ("It's not stupid" Roxas complained), instead Hayner, Pence and Olette just left, walking right through Roxas as if he wasn't even there.

"Ok… that was freaky" Roxas said. "And why is this giving me a feeling of déjà vu?"

He walked out to find someone who acknowledged his existence, which he did…unfortunately for him that someone/no one was there to kill him.

"Look at what it's come to" Axel said. "I've been given these icky orders to destroy you, if you refuse to come back with me".

"Good! Finally someone who doesn't ignore me completely!" Roxas said happily. "I thought it was weird that my cat didn't come to wake me up this morning by sticking her claws into my back".

Axel stared at Roxas with a puzzled expression.

"Did you forget to memorize your lines again?" he asked.

"What lines? This fic just made up by a whole bunch of nonsense" Roxas said.

"Yeah… you're probably right. But just to make sure you don't have complete amnesia, what's our boss' name?" Axel asked.  
"…Mansex?" Roxas asked.

"…No… that's just what all the fangirls seem to think" Axel said.

"Oh right… wasn't there supposed to be a fight scene here?" Roxas asked.

"Oh yeah" Axel said and charged at Roxas, and then suddenly time stopped.

"Again?"

Yes, again.

"Man. This is getting really tiresome" Roxas said.

Then suddenly he heard a voice, apparently coming from nowhere.

"Roxas! To the mansion! It is time!"

"O…k? This is just getting weirder" Roxas said. "And I suppose you've got nothing to do with it?" he asked the author.

**Not much… this is just how the game is played. Now to the mansion!**

"Everyone's out to get me today" Roxas sighed. "Except for all those who don't even know I exist."

He ran towards the haunted mansion and crashed into the door.

"Why call me then lock me out?" Roxas asked.

"You have a key don't you?" asked a little rabbit on the ground next to him.

"Well yeah but… Zakura, what the heck are you doing here?" Roxas asked.

"I'm just pointing out illogic events, bye" Zakura said before disappearing into a dark portal.

"Fine…" Roxas said and pulled out Oblivion, which he used to open the door.

He ran into the mansion, and into Namine's room.

Namine wasn't home so he just went to look at her drawings.

"What is this? A guinea pig?" he asked as he looked at a drawing of himself walking through a city.

It's flashback-time!

Roxas walked thought the city in the world that never was, once again wondering why someone bothered to make a city when it was apparently only 13 people living there, even less now thanks to Axel, Riku and Sora.

"Your mind's made up?" a random guy beside him asked. Well not that random.

"Why did the keyblade chose me? I need to know" Roxas said.

"You can't turn on the organization!" Axel said.

"So… murdering Vexen is NOT turning your back on the organization?" Roxas asked.

"…Marluxia started!" Axel said.

"So why kill Vexen?"

"You're not making sense."

"Neither are you. It's not like anyone would miss me if I left" Roxas said and left.

"That's not true!" Axel said, but no one was listening…poor guy…"I would" he said.

It's not flashback-time anymore!

Roxas turned around to se Namine sitting in a chair.

"Organization XIII… they're a bad group" he said.

"Maybe… they're a group of incomplete people, desperately wanting to be whole" Namine said. "For that they're desperately searching for the kingdom hearts".

"Why? All they have to do is go down to the video game store" Roxas said. "And it's not that expensive either, even the Usagi was able to afford it". **(Oh is that so…)**

"I never said they were smart" Namine said.

"So… what's going to happen to me now?" Roxas asked.

Before she had time to answer, Namine vanished, and DiZ appeared right next to her chair.

"There is no knowledge in the world that has the power to change your fate" he said.

"I never asked for that either, I just wanted to know" Roxas said.

Namine reappeared from a dark portal.

"Roxas! Nobodies like us are only half a person! You won't disappear!" she said.

"I'll… disappear?" Roxas said surprised.

"No you big blockhead! You WON'T disappear! Listen to what I'm saying!" Namine said. "Or do I have to start throwing pencils at you again?"

"This is getting annoying" DiZ said and took Namine.

Roxas ran over to help her but Riku blocked his past.

"Roxas! We will meet again! You may not know it's me, and I may not know it's you. But then we can talk about everything" Namine said.

"How are we supposed to do that if we don't even recognize each other?" Roxas asked.

…

"Good point. I was just trying to make you feel better. Bye!" Namine said as DiZ pulled her into the portal again.

Soon Roxas was all alone again.  
"Where did the weirdo in black go?"

So lonely and alone.

"Actually I'm just glad they left".

Sad and lonely.

"Shut up will you?"

Okay.

Roxas took Namine's sketchbook and walked into the library where he saw an unfinished drawing on the table. Perhaps Namine had ran out of paper earlier and drawn it there.

Roxas finished the drawing using the sketchbook as a reference, and then suddenly a staircase appeared in the middle of the library, leading down to a secret lab.

"Ooooh. Secret lab" Roxas said.

pods.He walked down the stairs and into a room.

There he found a big computer.

The computer was making a strange beeping noise…really annoying…

Its flashback time again!

Flashes to various scenes of Roxas in the organization, Roxas being chased by nobodies and getting his ass kicked by a moron in a blindfold.

The next flashback showed Roxas unconscious, Riku (slightly taller) wearing a cloak and DiZ in front of a computer.

"Will it work?" Riku asked.

"Of course! My plans ALWAYS work! If we can keep up the simulated town until Namine finishes chaining together Sora's memories. Roxas holds half of Sora's power (although Sora doesn't appear weakened at all after turning heartless…what IS Roxas made from anyway??) and in the end he'll have to give it back" DiZ said.

"Aw… poor thing"

"Don't feel sorry for him, he has no feelings" DiZ said as he teleported Roxas into the virtual Twilight Town.

"Does that mean I can go in and steal all his stuff?" Riku asked.

"Be my guest" DiZ said.

It's no longer flashback time.

Roxas stared at the computer, it had stopped beeping… also by now he was pretty mad at DiZ for placing him in a fake world, and at Riku for the same reasons he had always been mad at him for.

But Riku and DiZ weren't there, so he took his anger out on the computer instead.

"DIE PC!" he said and started beating the blasted thing with his keyblade.

After beating the computer up, a door opened.

Roxas left through it, leaving the computer to die…or…

Inside he met his lover Axel again.

"ENOUGH WITH THE YAOI-REFERENCES!" Roxas yelled.

Sorry.

Inside he met his old friend Axel again.

"Simply amazing Roxas, that computer didn't stand a chance" Axel said, sounding awfully offended.

"Axel" Roxas said.

"You really do remember me this time?" Axel asked.

Roxas was about to point out that it was pretty hard to forget someone who kept showing up and reminding you, but decided against it.

"I'm so FLATTERED!" Axel said as flames surrounded the two. "But you're too late!"

Roxas pulled out the Oblivion, then Oathkeeper.

"Baby! I've missed you!" he suddenly yelled and started hugging the Oathkeeper (dropping Oblivion to the ground.)

"And you wonder why the fangirls portray you as gay?" Axel asked.

"Okay 1: Homosexuals fall in love with people of the same sex, not weapons, and 2: Yaoi-fangirls portray ANYONE as gay. Even you" Roxas said.

"Nu-uh".

"How do you expect an AkuRoku-fic to work out if you're not gay in it?"

"No one ever makes me gay, even in Fanfiction?"

"Have you ever BEEN to Fanfiction net?"

"No. what's that?"  
"Figures…"

Roxas won the battle because he's awesome+ his keyblades were far bigger than Axel's chakrams.

There was supposed to be a flashback here but that one had already been since Usagi had put two flashbacks together earlier in the chapter.

"Let's meet again in the next life" Axel said.

"Yeah, I'll be waiting" Roxas answered.

"Silly…just because you have a next life".

"Who're you calling silly?" Roxas said but Axel had already disappeared.

Now Roxas was alone again.

Lonely and sadly alone…

"Will you knock that of?" Roxas asked.

Fine. So he was alone again, with no weirdos around to disturb him.

So the weirdo-less Roxas kept walking until he found Donald and Goofy, sleeping in pods.

He drew moustaches on their faces before moving on to the next room.

There he found DiZ, standing in front of a giant flower-shaped orb.

"At last, the keyblade's chosen one" DiZ said.

"Who are you talking to? Me or Sora?" Roxas asked.

"To half of Sora of course, you don't see the other half running around in the room do you?"

"Who are you?"

"I'm a servant of the world, and if I'm a servant, you should consider yourself a tool at best"

Roxas glared at him.

"Was that supposed to be a joke?"  
"This entire fic is a joke kid" DiZ said.

"Well I'm not laughing!" Roxas said and attacked DiZ, unfortunately the Oblivion went straight through him.

"This is just a data-based projection" DiZ said.

Roxas kept hitting the projection, useless of course.

Suddenly DiZ was gone.

"Over here"

DiZ was now standing behind Roxas, the flower shaped pod behind him.

"I hate you so much" Roxas said.

"You should share some of that hatred with Sora, he's far too nice for his own good" DiZ said. "I mean, you should have seen him back in Chain of Memories, he was willing to help someone although he knew that someone was just manipulating his memories".

"No! My hatred belongs to me!" Roxas said and attacked DiZ again, who disappeared.

Then the flower pod opened, and Roxas was wondering why Sora didn't sleep in a bed like a normal person.

"Sora" He said. "You're lucky…looks like my summer vacation is over… but first!"

Then he drew a moustache on Sora's face.

* * *

**Usagi: And that marks the end of Roxas' story.**

**Roxas: (whines)**

**Sora: woho! The hero is back…why'd you draw a moustache at my face?**

**Roxas: because…(runs away)**

**Sora: hey! Come back here! (Runs after him)**

**Usagi: so please review people and make KH2 FM Re:CoM come out in Europe.**

**Zakura: I don't think your fans can do that.**

**Usagi: aw... well review anyway.**


	8. The REAL Twilight Town

**Usagi: FINALLY! You have no idea how long I've tried to upload this chapter!**

**Zakura: I do. Since Friday.**

**Usagi: Okay... so now you have a slight idea. Sorry guys, hey wait, what am I apologizing for? IT'S THE WEBSITE'S FAULT! Every time I tried to upload the document it kept saying some kind of error occured, if I tried to contact support it wouldn't let me. But now it's working again! And it's time to start the long-awaited chapter eigth, which marks...**

**Sora: ...the begining fo the ACTUAL PLOT! No more cheesy toturial-levels for you! (sticks toungue out at Roxas)**

**Roxas: you wait, I'm sure you won't be so glad to be in this fic sooner or later.**

**Sora: ...(to Usagi) You're not going to make me a heartless again are you?**

**Usagi: no. Not until KD1.**

**Sora: oh good...hey wait, this is KD2...**

**Usagi: I know. Enjoy the chapter.

* * *

**

**CHAPTER 8**

**THE REAL TWILIGHT TOWN (IT HAS A BEACH)**

Sora yawned. No wonder he had been asleep for a looong time. Why? Well he didn't know…

The first thing he saw when he opened his eyes, was Donald and Goofy laughing at him.

"Hey! What are you laughing at?" Sora asked.

"You have a moustache" Donald giggled.

Sora pulled out a mirror from his pocket (wait? Sora's got a mirror in his pocket?) and quickly wiped of the crayon-markings from his face before looking at his friends.

"So do you…" he said.

"What?"  
Donald and Goofy grabbed Sora's mirror and quickly wiped of the moustaches of their faces.

"Who did this???" Goofy asked.

"I don't know… but it reminds me of what Riku and I used to do back on Destiny Islands. We kept drawing moustaches on people's faces when they were sleeping" Sora said. "Maybe I have an evil twin or something…"

Jiminy jumped up on his shoulder and yawned.

"That was a good nap" he said.

"We were asleep?" Sora asked.

"We must have been, no one could have drawn moustaches on Donald and Goofy's faces if they were awake. You on the other hand…"  
"Hey!"

"Let's go find out who drew moustaches on our faces!" Donald said.

"But what about Riku and the king? Shouldn't we find them?" Goofy asked.

"Nah, they can wait. Let's go!" Sora said.

And so the three heroes+ the cricket in Sora's hood went out on an epic journey to find out who drew moustaches on their faces, and also possibly try to remember why they were in the pods in the first place.

None of them seemed to remember anything that happened soon after the first game.

"You know… I feel like we've skipped a game or something" Sora said.

"That's not possible. The last game we starred in was Kingdom Hearts, this is Kingdom Hearts 2 (or a parody of it) what the heck are they supposed to put in-between?" Donald asked.

"I don't know… maybe Square Enix made an extra game for another console or something" Sora said.

"Yeah right, like that's ever going to happen" Donald snorted.

So they walked out into the streets of Twilight Town.

And this time it was the REAL Twilight Town, not just a dumb computer simulation which had no beach and was overrun by nobodies…oh wait, it WAS overrun by nobodies, but at least this one had a beach! …we just never got to see it.

All this actually said on a sign just before Sora and his friends left the mansion, and they all agreed this was pretty weird. ("Welcome to the REAL Twilight Town which is not a computer simulation. This is far better than DiZ's fake Twilight Town even though its overrun by nobodies but at least we have a beach!")

They walked around aimlessly in the city before they suddenly came across the usual spot, where they found Hayner, Pence and Olette eating ice cream.

"Eyw! This ice cream sucks! Whose idea was it to buy it anyway?" Hayner asked and threw his ice cream in Sora's face. "Ups… sorry weirdo."

"I haven't seen you three around. Are you new here?" Olette asked.

"Well actually I came from another world. My island got destroyed by heartless and I was dumped in Traverse Town where I met these three (counting Jiminy cause we all know he's got a vital role to the story…sorta…or not) and so we went on an amazing journey to find my two best friends and completely forget about my family and my other friends. While on our journey we met a whole bunch of Disney characters and Cloud Strife whom I think the Usagi's got a crush on (as well as Axel, Demyx, Zexion, Gaara and various other fictional characters).  
We also met a whole bunch of other final fantasy characters like Leon, Aerith, Yuffie and all those other guys and then we found Riku, my best friend in the whole world who got all mean and stuff and stole my keyblade. Then we saved Kairi and I was turned into a heartless but I got better and so we went to rescue Riku and the king and ended up locking them up in another dimension. Which leads me to the question: Have you guys seen them anywhere?" Sora asked.

Hayner, Pence and Olette stared at him.

"WTF?" Hayner said.

"That's what I was thinking" Pence said.

"Who are you again?" Olette asked.

"Oh sorry. I'm Sora, and this is Donald and Goofy…and the cricket is Jiminy but he's of no importance" Sora said.

"Well I'd never…" Jiminy said, sounding offended.

"And you were looking for?" Olette asked.

"My best friend Riku and Mickey Mouse. Riku's a boy one year older than me with long silver hair and if you haven't heard of Mickey Mouse you've been living under a rock" Sora said.

"Don't make fun of my house! Who's Mickey Mouse?" Pence asked.

Hayner and Olette stared at him.

"You honestly don't know Mickey Mouse? Don't you watch Disney?" Hayner asked.

"What's Disney?"

Hayner looked as if he was having problems breathing (he was a very big Mickey Mouse-fan for some reason) and Olette turned to Sora and his gang again who just looked confused.

"Sorry. We haven't seen them" she said. "Sure there are enough of silver-haired characters running around but none of them are called Riku".

"Okay. Thanks anyway" Sora said and left.

"Since when have it actually worked walking up to random people asking them about your friends anyway?" Donald said. "We usually just bumped into Riku at random locations and you two started fighting and then he disappeared again."

"You're right Sora. Maybe if we just walk around you'll randomly bump into Riku and then we can ask him where the king is" Goofy said. "Or maybe you're just going to have to fight again… sure you want to find him by the way?"

"Yeah! Or maybe we'll randomly bump into the king!" Sora said.

"Right, like that's ever going to happen" Donald said.

"Are you sure? Cause there he is" Sora said, pointing to Mickey Mouse who was in fact standing right in front of them.

"KING!" Donald and Goofy said in unison.

"Shj!" Mickey said. "There is a train waiting for you in the station, here are some money for the tickets".

Mickey threw a money pouch at Sora's face and disappeared.

"OW! Wait King Mickey! Where's…Riku?"

But the mouse was gone.

"Come on Sora, let's go see that train. Maybe Riku's in there" Donald said.

"I doubt but OKAY!" Sora said enthusiastically.

And so they ran into the train, completely ignoring Hayner, Pence and Olette who were standing outside because they weren't on the front page, meaning they were either minor characters or bad guys, and since they weren't evil, they weren't important.

* * *

**Usagi: Sora is just as obsessed with the front cover as his nobody….**

**Roxas: who isn't?**

**Riku: (steals the front cover and hands it to Namine, whispering) cover up his face.**

**Roxas: HEY KNOCK IT OF!**

**Usagi: so how was that? Please review:D**


	9. Yen Sid

**Usagi: Good news everyone! I'm back!**

**Sora: oh no!**

**Usagi: very enthusiastic… the review alerts haven't been working lately, but today it suddenly kick-started, and I'm starting to get alerts for ancient reviews apparently in a random order… though I've already read all the reviews. After all I check them every day, regardless if I get an email alert or not;) **

**So well… here comes the chapter you've all been waiting for. Coincidentally this is as far as I've gotten in KH2's standard mode at the moment (I've completed the game in beginner mode, and taken a break now to finish KH1) **

**I've also started writing the chapter numbers in roman numbers because I can! **

**This is chapter 9, enjoy!

* * *

**

**CHAPTER IX**

**YEN SID**

"Are we there yet?"

"I dunno"

"Are we there yet?"

"Don't know"

"Are we there yet?"  
"Sora! We don't even know where we're going so SHUT UP!" Donald yelled.

Sora looked at him for a moment.

"I didn't quite catch that…but are we there yet?" he asked before Donald threw his staff in his face.

"Hey look! I think we're there" Goofy said as he looked out the window.

Sora and Donald went over to the windows and noticed the train was slowing down.

They were approaching a tall tower.

"Is that where Saruman lives?" Sora asked.

"No… that tower is black" Donald said.

"How about Sauron?"

"Do you want me to throw Goofy's shield in your face too?"  
Once again Sora just stared at his friend.

"What does Mr. Bean have to do with anything?" he asked.

Donald just sighed, and whacked his friend in the head before getting of the train.

"Wonder who lives here" Jiminy said as the exited.

"I don't know, but there's a fat black cat. Let's go ask him" Goofy said. "HEY! FAT BLACK CAT!"

The cat turned around.

"I'm not fat! I'm just…oh shit".

"Hey! It's Pete!" Donald said.

"Do you know him?" Sora asked.

"Yeah. He's the king's rival in all the old Disney short-films, and Goofy's neighbour who sells use(less)d cars. But the king banished him to another dimension ages ago for trying to close down "House of Mouse" Donald explained.

"That's right! But Maleficent busted me out so I could help her take over the world. Right now I just sent my heartless lackeys into this tower so they can make Yen Sid into a heartless. He'd make a great body guard" Pete said.

"Wouldn't be too sure about that, Sora's a great fighter and all but his heartless was just a puny weak shadow" Goofy said.

"HEY! You weren't supposed to say that!" Sora said, sounding awfully offended. "At least I was cute…"  
"Well uhm…. You're crazy! I'm going to create more heartless for Maleficent's army so we can take over the universe together!" Pete said.

"Ehm, yeah. Sorry to break this to you but… Maleficent's dead" Sora said.

Pete stopped laughing for a while and stared at Sora.  
"Wha?"

* * *

**Usagi: Hey! That's my catchphrase!**

**Roxas: some catchphrase that is-.-**

* * *

"Yup. We totally pwned her a year ago" Sora said. "And it wasn't that easy, especially for the author… she struggled on that for quite some time".

Pete looked behind Sora and noticed suddenly Usagi was sitting in the bushes moping.

"I don't want to fight Maleficent again, you can't make me!" she screamed.

"O…k? But she'll be back! After all she is the main villain of the series!" Pete said.

"Nah. She's just an evil witch who randomly appears to divert the attention from the REAL villains. Like Ansem and those guys in black robes" Sora said.

"You're lying! Maleficent's awesome and you know it!" Pete said and ran away crying.

"O…k? And who lives in this castle again?" Sora said.

"Oh crap I forgot! Pete mentioned Yen Sid! He's a great wizard and the king's teacher! We've got to check that he's okay" Donald said.

"Okay! But by the way, if anyone asks, my heartless was NOT a shadow. I don't want people to think about me like a puny thing like that" Sora said.

"Righto. I'll burn the photos."

"You took photos???"

"Ehm… Look! A cloud!" Donald yelled and pointed to the sky.

"Where? Hey wait up!" Sora said as he turned around, giving Donald just enough time to run into the castle, Sora followed soon after. "I'm going to kill you Donald!"

Cloud stood outside watching as Goofy ran in.

"Hm… why am I here again?" he asked.

Meanwhile, up in the top of the tower.

"Yen Sid! Have you been turned into a heartless?" Sora asked as he slammed the door opened.

A wizard looked up from his book and raised an eyebrow at the threesome.

"Er…no? Does it look like it?" he asked

"Well you're not a shadow… and I should know since… erm. Never mind" Sora said.

"Because you lost your heart previously and turned into a shadow?" Yen Sid said.

"ARGH! Why does everyone know of that?" Sora said.

"Simple. Donald sent me a photo a year ago by MMS" Yen Sid said and showed Sora his cell phone, which had a picture of him as a shadow on it.

Sora glared at the duck. "Anyone else you told?" he asked.

"Ehm not too many. Just Yuffie (who probably told Leon, Aerith, Cid and that random idiot who minds Cid's store) Cloud, Sephiroth, the little mermaid, all the princesses of heart, King Kong, Vincent Valentine, Hercules, Megara, Mickey Mouse, Daisy, Pikachu, and a whole bunch of other people we've never even met" Donald said. "Plus I wrote it in my blog so a whole bunch of others would also know it by now as I'm very famous you know".

"My life is over" Sora sighed.

"Aw stop whining kid. It's not a bad thing that you've only been transformed into a lesser heartless, in fact you should take that as a good sign" Yen Sid explained. "Heartless are born from the darkness in people's heart. The more darkness you have in your heart the stronger it gets."

"What if you don't have any darkness in your heart?" Sora asked.

"There is darkness in every heart" Yen Sid said. "Except for the princesses of heart... they just stand around doing nothing."

"Ah…. Another question" Sora said.

"Is this "Ask Yen Sid"-day or something?" Yen Sid asked.

"No… but since you're here I might as well annoy you like hell by asking random stuff. We like…wasted a whole bunch of heartless last year and killed everyone who claimed to be their leader (except for Riku who got trapped inside the dark realm for some reason) so… why are we still getting attacked by them?"

"Because, heartless exists as long as there are people alive with darkness in their hearts, and like I mentioned there's darkness in every heart" Yen Sid said.

"Even in Riku's?"  
"Especially Riku's. Are there any more random questions or shall I just send you to the next room where three fairies will give you new clothes and powers?"

"New powers? I'm in!" Sora said and ran in through the next door.

"…I forgot to tell him about the nobodies… but he'll figure it out soon enough" Yen Sid said.

Donald was reading a book about the nobodies.

"Hey Yen Sid! Since Sora turned into a heartless doesn't that mean he's got a nobody too?" Donald said.

"And what about Kairi?" Goofy asked.

"Shh! Don't spoil it now" Yen Sid said.

* * *

**Usagi: Sora's cute as a heartless isn't he?**

**Sora: if you try turning me into one again I'm going to use this keyblade to cut your tail of!**

**Usagi: you can't. You can't wield a keyblade as a heartless.**

**Sora: aw man… then you do it.**

**Roxas: meh…**

**Sora: I hate you…**

**Roxas: I don't care.**

**Usagi: so what about it people? Review? And never mind the review alerts, they seem to be working now and even if they don't, I'll still read them you know;) and I still won't update this or any other fic until I've gotten at least one review. So review!**


	10. Cell Phone Confusion

**Usagi: I guess I've kept you waiting long enough.**

**Sora: (is lying down on a couch) oh damn. I thought she forgot about us.**

**Riku: (is looking in the mirror) this pretty face? Never!**

**Sora: …You haven't even appeared in the fic yet.**

**Riku: not with THIS pretty face perhaps. If I had this fic would be uploaded every week.**

**Sora: (looks at Riku with a puzzled expression.)**

**Usagi: oh trust me Sora-kun; you'll be even more confused by the end of this chapter.**

**Roxas: (has stolen Usagi's cell phone) Very much confused. You'll pay for stealing the spotlight.**

**Sora: what do you mean stealing? Do I have to remind you that I was here first?**

**Roxas: no you weren't.**

**Sora: oh sure, only cause Usagi decided to START with Kingdom Dorks II instead of the first one. **

**Roxas: I was there all along you just didn't notice.**

**Sora: eh?**

**Usagi: enjoy the confusion!**

**

* * *

**

**CHAPTER X**

**CELL PHONE CONFUSION**

After getting new clothes from the fairies that were constantly arguing about what colour it should be and getting their gummi ship back (which the fairies wanted to fix up but started arguing about the colours again) the happy three friends left on a new adventure, not knowing exactly where they were going or what they were supposed to do…but it was an adventure all the same.

Unfortunately all the gummi ship routes had been sealed of, Yen Sid explained Sora had to use his keyblade to open new paths every now and then, as he moved from Twilight Tower there was only one world available. Hollow Bastion.

"Aw man! Of all the worlds why'd it have to be the one that gives me nightmares?" Sora sighed.

"Aw come on Sora. At least Maleficent is dead and buried" Donald said.

"Or is she?" Sora asked.

Dramatic music playing.

"What was that?" Goofy asked.

"Uhm… dramatic music playing out of nowhere?" Sora suggested.

"Yeah but why did…"

"Shut up you two; let's just go to Hollow Bastion. Maybe the king is there" Donald said.

"Is that all you think about? Finding the king?" Sora asked.

"Well all you think about is finding Riku" Donald reminded him.

"Ah…. Okay."

And so they set sail towards Hollow Bastion…well not exactly sail but….ach. Whatever.

As they landed in Hollow Bastion they had to fight a few heartless again. Seems some things never change.

What had changed was the town itself; it now had much more people and much less Maleficent.

As the gang walked through the city, they noticed some funny things popping out of the ground.

"What is that? Digiportals?" Sora asked.

"Don't be ridiculous. You and your digimon-craze" Donald said, rolling his eyes.

Sora was about to hit Donald when they heard a new voice.

"That's the towns defence mechanism. And no mocking Digimon. that show rocks".

The gang turned around to see a girl standing over them.

"Yuffie!" they all said in unison. (Well Sora said "the girl who's not Kairi" but nobody heard that.)

"How are the others?" Sora asked.

"They're doing great. And before you ask; No I haven't seen the king or Riku" Yuffie said.

"How'd you know I was going to say that?" Sora asked.

"Cause that's all you ever talk about. That and Kairi but she's safe now" Yuffie said. "Everyone's working on stuff back at Merlin's house. Come on".

They followed Yuffie to Merlin's house where they were immediately jumped and hugged by the wizard's furniture which apparently had missed them a lot.

As the furniture walked away they saw who else was in the room, Merlin, Leon/Squall, Cid and Aerith.

"Meet the Hollow Bastion Restoration Committee" Yuffie said.

"You're back! We've missed you" Aerith said.

"Aerith? What the hell happened to your voice?" Sora asked.

"What are you talking about?" Aerith asked.

"It sounds awful" Donald said.

"And that coming from Donald says something." Sora commented.

"Oh is that so?" Aerith said, glaring at the three.

* * *

**We interrupt this Fanfiction with a random fanfic-trailer.**

**A new threat is facing the universe.**

**Many worlds have already been destroyed.**

**Nobodies, heartless and demons leave a trail of destruction in their wake.**

**Only one group can save them.**

A white rabbit and a big brown dog appears.

"Sam and Max! Freelance Police!" says the dog.

**Er…no. Not that group.**

Sora Riku and Kairi appears.

Now don't tell me you were surprised?

**Kingdom Hearts III: The FanFictional Story**

**Coming to a computer near you. **

**Now back to our feature presentation.**

* * *

Sora looked up from the floor, where he lay badly injured before Donald healed him.

"What was that just now?" he asked.

"A commercial break" Leon said shrugging.

"Ah….why doesn't it surprise me?" Sora sighed. "Well I guess I should never try arguing with the undead again."

"I'm not dead" Aerith said frowning.

"I didn't say you were. I said undead" Sora said before Aerith hit him in the head with Leon's gunblade, before giving it back to the whimpering Leon.

"So Sora. Found your friends yet?" Merlin asked.

"I found Kairi…and then Riku… but now I've lost him and the king again, so have you seen them?" Sora asked.

"No… I think it's about time you got yourself a cell phone" Cid said, he pulled out a large old cell phone from a drawer and tossed it in Sora's face.

As soon as Donald had healed his concussion, Sora took the phone, dialled Riku's nr, and waited.

After a while a message was heard over the phone.

"The person you are calling does not own a phone weirdo" said a female voice on the phone.

"Darn!" Sora said, and dialled another number.

Once again he heard a message on the phone, this time it was a recording, done by someone with an extremely squeaky voice.

"This is King Mickey Mouse. I never had a cell phone so I have no idea how you got this number or why it magically led you to this message, or how I was able to record this not having a cell phone. Please look for me in the Realm of Darkness".

"Oh crap. Well I guess it doesn't help much to have a cell phone when nobody else has one" Sora sighed, suddenly the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hello? Is this the Pizza Store that Never Was?" asked a voice on the other end.

"No… this is Sora, the keyblade master" Sora answered.

"Oh crap. I told them they sent the wrong guy to call for pizza" the person on the other end sighed before he hang up.

"O…kay?" Sora said.

"I guess someone else must have a phone" Cid said.

**Or just nobody. **

"What was that voice just now?"

**Nothing, just the wind.**

"Okay" Cid said and shrugged. "Well perhaps you better keep that phone just in case somebody (or nobody) calls again".

Just as he said that an MMS came in on the phone, Sora opened it and it had a picture of him sleeping with a moustache drawn on his face.

"Hey! Perhaps that is from the person who drew the moustaches!" Sora said. He checked the number but all it said was XIII.

"That's not even a number…" the keyblader sighed.

"Of course it is. It's roman numbers" Cid said. "As a Square Enix-character you should know that."

"This whole thing is very mysterious… Ahyuck!" Goofy said.

* * *

**Usagi: and that was it for today's chapter. ****As for the commercial break, that was a random idea I thought I'd throw in to gain some attention for a fanfic that has been given far too little reviews lately…. You can find it in my favourite's list, The Fanfictional Story by Rilaveke, I recommend you read (and not to mention review) and ignore the suckyness of my "trailer"… It's hard making a trailer for a Fanfiction...it would have looked far better a as a film.**

**Zakura: Well more importantly you should review THIS cause fanfictions don't praise themselves you know.**

**Usagi: the characters in my fic seem to do exactly the opposite.**

**Sora: Stop this madness now!**

**Riku: we want better payment!**

**Selphie: and I want a bigger part!**

**Tidus: I want to APPEAR!**

**Usagi: dream on! All of you, and Tidus, your wish is granted, you've now appeared.**

**Tidus: not in the fanfic…only the author's note…**

**Usagi: well this is as far as you get, unless you want a random cameo where you get eaten by a dragon or something. **

**Tidus: what the heck?**

**Usagi: just kidding. Please review or I'll kill Tidus.**

**Tidus: WHAT THE HECK???**

**Usagi: Just kidding...or am I? **

**Zakura: I should probably add that Usagi has nothing against Tidus, she's just in a torturing-mood and Tidus was the lucky kid.**

**Usagi: and to prove that I'm gonna be nice to him for a change. Tidus, there's an old friend of you who wants to see you (Opens a box and a fairy comes out).**

**Yuna: HI Tidus!**

**Tidus: (faints)**

**Yuna: What? Am I THAT different?**

**Usagi: That was all. Please review… Wait… Didn't I already say that? Well then…review twice! **

**Zakura: that's not possible.**

**Usagi: fine… then review once and go check out FFS. **


	11. Really Random Stuff

**Usagi: now that wasn't too long wait now was it? Two updates in less than half a week.**

**Riku: and I haven't even appeared yet. I'm impressed. Guess she's dying to get to that part.**

**Usagi: …no…well okay yes but that is not because of your so-called pretty face.**

**Riku: (Shocked) so-called?**

**Usagi: this chapter introduces some new villains, Maleficent's raven and the Organization XIII! (Except for that Axel and Roxas already made their appearance…and Demyx who was on the phone last chapter, which some of you noticed, good work! Here's a cookie for you). The chapter is named after one of Sora's lines, cause Xigbar DOES indeed say a lot of random stuff…. But even more random here.**

**Sora: like we aren't used to random already. Judging not only by KD but also Dork Period or your MSN-conversations.**

**Usagi: oh yes. Glorious MSN. Don't know how I have survived without it before… **

**But anyway: Enjoy the glorious randomness of the Organization XIII; here presented by nr I, II and a little bit of IX…as well as the rest of the Organization but they have no lines or anything in this chapter anyway….**

* * *

**CHAPTER XI**

**REALLY RANDOM STUFF**

* * *

Hollow Bastion: Maleficent's castle.

Pete nervously peeked into the Villains Vale.

"Maleficent? Maleficeeeent?" he called. No answer. "Darn…maybe they really did finish her of, that means I'm all alone again".

"Well you've still got us" said a random shadow heartless.

Pete stepped on the shadow, killing it, before a rock hit his head.

"Darn… to bad the author appears to be a shadow-fan" Pete said rubbing his head.

As his headache wore of however, he heard the sound of a raven, he turned around and saw…a raven! Didn't expect that did you?

"Actually it was kind of obvious" Pete commented.

**Shut up cat-man. They didn't expect that.**

**

* * *

**

Still Hollow Bastion: The Bailey.

But let's leave the stupid cat man and the bird and see what our heroes are doing.

"We want to restore Hollow Bastian to what it used to be" Leon explained.

"Maleficent's hideout?" Sora asked.

"…No…before that" Leon said.

"A piece of rubble?"

"Before that too?"

"An untouched forest?"

"…Later."  
"Oh, you mean a flourishing city lead by Ansem the wise" Sora said.

"Yes. Except for the Ansem-part since he was an asshole. I'm sure we can handle everything except for that" Leon said, and pointed at the heartless swarming around Maleficent's old castle. "And that" he said, pointing at a group of fangirls who were chasing some blond guy riding a motorcycle.

"Poor Cloud" Sora chuckled.

"So Sora, you know what's going on?" Leon asked.

"There's this guy Pete who's been gathering the heartless, but he's not smart enough to tie his own shoes and since this is a Dork-fic written by the Usagi it's safe to assume he's an even bigger idiot now" Sora said. "We better worry more about the nobodies."

"And those Organization XIII guys too" Goofy said.

"You called?" somebody (or more precisely nobody) said.

Suddenly a group of guys dressed in black appeared out of nowhere, one right in front of Sora, who fell backwards in shock.

"Yo" the nobody said.

"Holy Shit! What are you trying to do? Scare the living hell out of me?" Sora asked.

The nobody, Xigbar, just ignored him.

"The keyblade, truly a marvellous weapon, were it only in more capable hands" said one of the others.

The rest of the gang laughed evilly until their leader turned to one of them.

"Shut up Nr IX. You sound like a total moron" he said.

"The Organization XIII!" Donald yelled.

"Good! Now we can settle this" Sora said.

"No thanks, that would make this the shortest game in history" the leader said, and the gang laughed evilly again.

"Oh geez Demyx, shut up!" the leader said once more and then the group vanished.

"Stop!" Donald said, and ran straight into Xigbar, who still hadn't disappeared.

"What's the big idea?" The duck asked.

"Move!" Sora said.

"Now do you really think that's polite?" Xigbar asked.

"You asking me? You're the one who portaled straight into my face!" Sora said.

"You can talk all you want but that want change a thing" Xigbar said carelessly.

"Then we're gonna make you move" Donald said, and started poking Xigbar with a stick.

"See, that would work, if I was an old man with so weak legs I'd be blown away by the recoil of that stick. Cept I'm not, I'm with the Organization, nothing any old about me" Xigbar said. "Why don't I remind you of how though the crowd you're dealing with really is?"  
"Remind me?" Sora asked.

"You don't remember what happened in Chain of Memories do you?" Xigbar said.

"Chain of what?" Sora asked.

"Guess not" Xigbar sighed.

"I guess you think you can psyche me out by saying really random stuff" Sora said.

"No, cause then I would say this: Ogga Booga! All your base are belong to us! Cowabunga, pizza dude! Lets get dangerous! OMGOMGOMGLOLOLOLOLOLNOOBZNOOBZNOOBZ!" Xigbar said.

"Okay…now that was really random" Sora said.

"Be a good boy now!" Xigbar said and disappeared into a dark portal.

"He got away" Donald growled.

"That was just weird… are all Organization XIII members like that?" Sora asked.

"Hey don't ask us, we've never met them" Leon said. "By the way, Merlin wanted me to give you these", he threw a card into Sora's face.

Sora read it out loud.

"Hollow Bastion Restoration Committee Honorary member? Cool!" he said. Suddenly the card started glowing and hovering in the air.

At the same time, the keyblade started reacting to it.

"What's this?" Leon asked.

Sora pointed his key at the card, which gave of a light and transformed into a keyhole in the sky.

A beam came out of the keyblade and into the keyhole.

"Ah…now I get it. That must have been the gate Yen Sid talked about" Sora said.

"In a card? That was even weirder than the Organization..." Donald said.

"Sorry to run Leon, but other worlds are calling" Sora said.  
Leon nodded.

"The Organization XIII…they look like idiots. Be careful out there" he said.

"We can handle them. See you soon" Sora said, and the gang ran back to their gummi ship.

* * *

Land of Dragons/China. Mulan's world. 

A while later at another world, a man was looking over a burnt down village, meanwhile, a person was hiding in the bushes above him, looking down.

"See that Mulan? That's the leader of the hun army, Shan Yu!" said a big dark shadow behind her. "Come on girl! This is your big chance! I can see it now! Fa Mulan single-handedly defeats the Hun threat in a single blow."

Mulan looked around and gazed at him.

"Mushu, do you have any idea how dumb that sounds?" she asked.

"Whatever, you're just scared. Admit it" Mushu said pouting.

Just then, Sora, Donald and Goofy appeared around the bamboo forest.

They immediately noticed the shadow.

"Is that a heartless?" Donald asked.

"Let's go jump on it and see if it squashes" Sora said.

"You know, I've always wondered if maybe you started getting sympathy for the heartless after turning into one" Goofy said.

Sora thought over this for a second or two.

"Nope. I still hate them. The other heartless were teasing me and calling me names. Let's go!" Sora said and ran towards the shadow, while Goofy wondered how the heartless got time to call Sora names seeing as he was only a shadow for a few minutes.

The shadow on the rocks…or more precisely the thing that cast the shadow, screamed like a little girl and hid behind Mulan.

"Is that Mushu?" Goofy asked.

The dragon poked his head up from behind Mulan.

"That's right! I know you've heard of me! I'm little, lethal and famous for being in a Disney Movie, as well as getting a cameo-role in a Square Enix crossover-game!" he bragged.

"Hey Mushu! We missed you" Sora said.

"Yeah you better hope I miss you or else you would be…Sora! Donald! Goofy!" Mushu said surprised.  
"You know them?" Mulan asked.

"Well duh, who doesn't know Donald Duck and Goofy? As for the other kid, we used to kick all kinds of bad guy buts together, cause I'm a big mighty dragon!" Mushu said.

"Dragon; maybe. Big; Definitely not. And you are?" Sora asked.

"I'm Mulan…er..I mean…Ping!" Mulan said, suddenly sounding much manlier. "I'm Fa Ping! Son of Fa Zhou!"

"Wow…you have a surname? Luckypig" Sora said.

"Mushu is one of my family's guardians" Mulan…Ping said.

"That's right. See Ping here was just on his way to join the imperial army. Would you like to join us and kick some hun, and possibly heartless and nobody-butts?" Mushu asked.

"Hm. Sounds like fun!" Sora said. "Those heartless will pay for calling me short-stuff".

Mushu and Ping stared at Sora with a puzzled expression after his last statement.

"You're pretending to be a boy aren't you?" Goofy asked Ping.

Sora and Donald looked from Goofy to Ping, then to Goofy again and to a random flower before staring at Ping.

"YOU'RE A GIRL?" they both yelled in unison.

"You didn't notice?" Ping asked innocently. "It seems to be working.

"I don't know. This is Kingdom Dorks after all. And those two would fall for anything" Mushu said.

"I'm right here you know…" Sora said, as Ping and Mushu walked away.

* * *

**Usagi: how did you like that? I even managed to squeeze in the first part of Land of the Dragons AKA: China too. And if you wonder about the Orgy XIII-scene with the evil laugh it is inspired by something many a faithful fan has noticed: ****in that precise scene in the game, when the entire Organization laughs, there's one who does not much more than a nervous chuckle, that's the Melodious Nocturne for you.**

**Demyx: oh you're just jealous**

**Usagi: cause you sound like an idiot?**

**Demyx: no because…you lost me.**

**Usagi: figures. By the way, for those of you who still don't know your roman numbers, I is 1 (obviously) II is 2 (can you count?) IX means 9 and XIII is still 13.**

**Well you know what to do, press the review button and tell me what you think. **

**PLEASE REVIEW! **


	12. Join the Army

**Usagi: Another upload! And only the second one uploaded from my very own Rabbit!**

**Roxas: (blink blink) Rabbit?**

**Zakura: sigh she named her new laptop Rabbit for some strange reason..**

**Usagi: there IS a reason. I reserved a rabbit the same day I got the PC so we joked about the rabbit being in the box. I won't get the real rabbit before about a week though. Her name's Aroma and she's gorgeous.**

**Zakura: yippie…**

**Usagi: would you rather share your run with Sasuke?**

**Sasuke: (runs in) Zakura-chan my love! **

**Zakura: jikes no! (Runs away from the lovesick bunnyboy)**

**Usagi: rabbits for you… glad my laptop isn't like that**

**This chapter is loosely based on Mulan**

**Sora: seeing as it's based of Kingdom Hearts' Land of Dragons which is based on Mulan…**

**Usagi: it's not my first time parodying a Disney-movie… I did a Brother Bear Parody once…but enough of that: Here's chapter 12!**

* * *

**CHAPTER XII**

**JOIN THE ARMY**

Sora and the gang arrived at the training camp, they would have arrived earlier of Sora hadn't gotten into a fight with Mushu for calling him stupid, now Sora was all covered in burnt-marks and Mushu had ice on his tail from Sora's blizzard-attack.

The first thing he saw was one big line forming in front of the food tray, Sora was kind of hungry, so he walked up to them, only to be pushed out of the way by another guy.

"Hey! I was here first!" Sora complained.

"And what are you going to do about it?" the man asked.

"I'm going to use my key to beat you into a bloody pulp!" Sora said, summoning the keyblade.

As the two boys fought, Donald, Goofy, Mulan and Mushu looked at them with a confused expression.

"What's up Sora's ass today?" Mushu asked.

"I think he's just mad because he couldn't fight the Organization XIII back in Hollow Bastion, so he's taking it out on the random looser over there" Donald said.

Suddenly a huge man came by, and picked up both Sora and the random Chinese man.

"Oh Yao, you've found a new friend" he said to the Chinese, before turning to Sora. "I'm Shen Po. And who might you be?"

"My name is Sora, and these are my friends, Donald, Goofy and Mu…Ping. Now could you please put me down?" Sora asked, sounding like he was about to choke, which he was, seeing as Shen Po was holding him by the chain around his neck, and he was getting the crown pendant in his throat.

"Oh. Ups" Shen Po said and put Sora down.

"Oh thank god. I thought I was gonna die" Sora said as he was gasping for air.

"Oh you will! I'll hit you so hard your ancestors get knocked out!" Yao said threatening.

"Well then it sure is a good thing I don't have any ancestors. Except for my mom but she's never seen so she may well just be a speaker system someone installed in my living room to keep me from getting lonely and destructive" Sora said.

Yao just stared at Sora with a confused expression.

"Monsters are attacking the camp!" someone suddenly yelled, and dozens of shadow heartless popped out from the ground.

"Gah! What are those things?" Mulan asked.

"Oh well that would be the heartless" Mushu said. "Come on girl, time to show these guys how strong you are!"

"But I'm not strong…"

"In that case it's been great knowing you" Mushu said and run of somewhere to hide.

"Well this certainly isn't like the movie" Mulan muttered and pulled out her sword.

Sora had already pulled out his keyblade and was now striking down heartless left and right.

"DIE YOU DIRTY HEARTLESS SCUM! WHO'S THE FREAK NOW? HUH?" he yelled.

"Gawrsh Donald, Usagi's taking a lot of liberties with this chapter, doesn't she?" Goofy said.

"It's like a messed up mix of Kingdom Hearts, the Mulan Disney movie and her sick imagination" Donald said.

**Oh just be glad I'm not a yaoi-fangirl.**

"Oh right. She's got a point there" Donald said. "Not that any fangirl ever bother to make any yaoi-stories about us."

"Did I ever mention what pretty beak you have Donald?" Goofy asked.  
"Never mind! I got to stop giving her crazy ideas" Donald said. "Let's just fight these heartless okay?"

"I don't think we have to anymore" Goofy said, and sure enough, Sora had already single-handedly defeated all but one of the heartless, which he was currently stomping on.

"Oh just kill it already!" Donald said.

"No! I wanna torture it some more!" Sora said and continued stomping on the shadow.

Suddenly the captain of the troop appeared, and killed the shadow.

"Hey! I was taking my anger out on that thing!" Sora said.

"Oh well never mind about that. You guys are really awesome fighters! You should like totally join my troop!" captain Shang said.

"Cool!" Sora said.

"What about me?" Mulan asked.

"You fight like a girl. Go home" Shang said.

"Hey! That's gender discrimination!" said a red-haired girl who suddenly appeared and started beating up the captain.

"That's impossible!" Shang said.

"No. But it's really close. Come on Ron, I know Dr. Draken must be around here somewhere!" the girl said and ran of, followed by another boy and a naked mole rat. As they left the camp all were killed by heartless.

"Well that was more random than that Organization guy" Sora said.

"Right….. Since I've now realised girls CAN be pretty good fighters you can join my army" Shang said.

"But I'm a boy" Mulan said.

"Who cares? Welcome to the army Ping!" Shang said. "Now let's go kill some huns!"

With that he ran out of the camp with his sword raised…all by himself.

"What a jerk" Mulan said.

"Welcome to Kingdom Dorks" Sora sighed.

They followed the captain up to a village in the mountain, only to find the entire village burnt down and Shang was lying in the middle, badly injured.

"Shang! Are you okay?" Mulan asked.

"No. I'm badly injured. Didn't you read that last line?" Shang asked. "It sure was a good thing there was absolutely no one living in this village".

"Then what was the point in coming here to protect it?" Donald asked.

"Don't question my order soldier" Shang threatened.

"No sir. We'll go kick the ass of the hun army for you" Sora said and ran out, keyblade raised.

"Am I the only one who's noticed his weapon is a giant key?" Shang asked.

"I told him to use the Oathkeeper instead, at least that one looks a bit more threatening" Donald sighed and followed Sora.

Sora and the gang ran up into the mountains where they encountered Shan Yu, who stood there grinning like a bad guy usually do.

"Shan Yu! We're here to kill you for what you did to the villagers!...village buildings…oh well we'll still kill you" Sora said.

"Oh I don't think so" Shan Yu said and summoned an army of heartless.

"Heartless? Whatever happened to the hun army?" Mulan asked.

"…They're on strike" Shan Yu said.

"Why? Not paying them enough?" Mulan asked.

"They wanted a better health plan! Why the heck would they need that? Either they win the fight or they die! This is war darnit! I can't afford to pay for every little scratch they get!" Shan Yu complained.

"Ok… still taking liberties I see" Sora said and gazed at the fourth wall…aka: into a random direction where he hoped Usagi would be.

**Shut up moron. This is a parody, not a script-rewrite.**

So they fought the heartless and meanwhile the happy three friends, Yao, Ling and Shen Po arrived.

"Hi guys! We have a cannon! Let's shoot Shan Yu with it!" Ling yelled.

"Never mind that. Shoot that mountain instead. It looks so darn ugly" Mulan said.

"If you say so" Ling said and shot the mountain.

"Are you nuts? That was our last cannon!" Yao yelled.

Suddenly the bomb caused and avalanche, hitting Shan Yu and the heartless.

"Did you actually plan that?" Sora asked.

"What? Can't you see I'm busy putting on my make-up?" Mulan asked.

"I think we should get going" Donald said and ran down from the mountains.

The rest followed him, until they were finally out of range of the avalanche. There they met the captain.

"Weren't you just severely injured?" Sora asked.

"Yeah, but I was healed by a White Mage who just happened to pass by" Shang said. "And Ping! You're a girl!"  
"How did you know?" Mulan asked.

"Well you act extremely girly… Fooling the army like that is considered treason and is usually punished with death but since you just saved us all I'm going to let it pass. Bye!"

Then Captain Shang and the trio ran of.

"Well sure is a good thing he didn't kill you" Sora said.

"Yeah, but he did leave us in the mountain with no food, shelter or anything seeing as the village burned down" Mulan said.

"Ah… crap" Sora said.

* * *

**Usagi: and that's it for today's chapter.**

**Zakura: in real Usagi-tradition, uploaded at 1. 30 am, although her wireless internet connection has been malfunctioning all day.**

**Usagi: so now I have this long wire attached to Rabbit… well I would still need some wire cause the battery time is only about 2 hours so…**

**Zakura: is that a hint that **_**normal people**_** don't sit up all night watching anime on YouTube on the bed?**

**Usagi: Oh?**

**Zakura: what?**

**Usagi: You have no idea! Ready normal people!**

**(A bunch of random people appear): Ready!**

**Usagi+random people: (singing) the internet is for anime. The internet is for anime! Why you think the net was born? Anime, anime, porn! (the one guy saying porn is thrown out the window)**

**Zakura: -.-**

**Usagi: (coughs) fine... but Disgaea doesn't run on Norwegian TV and I can't find the game anywhere! **

**Zakura: because it's old.**

**Usagi: precisely. I couldn't even find Kingdom Hearts anywhere so I ordered it online. Not even the second-hand-game-store had them… **

**Well enough video game ranting, please review folks!**

**(End note: the song at the end here is based on "The Internet is for Porn" from Avenue Q)**


	13. Insult Mulanday

**Usagi: So here we go again. With another random-jokes chapter in the Land of Dragons. Short, sorry, but the Land of Dragon-missions ended so quick, and I decided instead of having one half chapter Dragon-land and one half chapter Beast's castle or whatever, It'd be better to have a whole chapter from the worlds instead of cutting in the middle.**

**Roxas: is this chapter about me?**

**Usagi: no. Just because the chapter nr is 13 doesn't mean it's about nr 13.**

**Roxas: aw….**

**Usagi: it's not my fault Square Enix decided not to give you anymore screen time than the boring intro and a few scenes at the end.**

**Roxas: (flinch) Boring?**

**Usagi: anyhow: here's the last chapter of Land of Dragons 1. Visit. Enjoy!**

* * *

**CHAPTER XIII**

**INSULT-MULAN-DAY**

Our heroes were peacefully roasting hot dogs when they suddenly heard strange sounds from up in the mountains.

"What was that sound?" Sora asked, as he looked up from the sea salt ice cream he was eating.

"I can't believe you're actually eating that in the winter Sora" Donald said.

"And I can't believe you're eating dogs" Sora said.

"It's not dogs! It's just pork meat coincidentally CALLED hot dogs" Donald said. "In truth its pig-guts" Donald said.

"EYW!" Everyone else (but Donald and Sora who wasn't even eating) said as they threw their hot dogs on the fire.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN EYW?" Donald yelled.

No one answered, because suddenly Shan Yu reappeared out of the snow, followed by his army of heartless.

"Why sure, I knew that was too easy" Sora said. "Never send a girl to do a boy's job".

Mulan glared at him.

"Never mind that, we've got to warn Shang before Mulan screws up again" Mushu said.

"I'm right here you know!" Mulan complained.

"Let's go!" Donald said and got up.

"IS THIS INSULT-MULAN-DAY OR SOMETHING???" Mulan yelled.

The others ignored her and ran all the way down to the emperor's palace.

"Huh…. And we though it was scary to be stuck in the mountains?" Sora said.

Mulan ignored him (probably revenge) and finally spotted Captain Shang.

"Captain Shang! The heartless are attacking!" she yelled.

"And why should I trust you?" Shang asked.

"Captain Shang! The heartless are attacking!" Sora yelled.

"WHAT? FULL ALARM! WE MUST PROTECT THE EMPEROR!" Shang yelled as he ran up to the palace to protect the emperor.

"Why did he believe you?" Mulan asked, glaring at Sora.

"Hey, I can't help it that I was born with a penis" Sora said and shrugged.

Suddenly Shan Yu appeared, with his army of heartless.

Shang brought the emperor inside the palace and left Sora and the gang outside to fight him.

"Not fair…" Sora said. "Listen up Shan Yu! You better give up; we're waaay over your league".

"Yeah right!" Shan Yu said.

"Dude…. You got beaten by a girl. And now you have to fight the same girl, a 15 year old boy with a keyshaped blade, a duck with anger issues, and a silly dog who uses a shield as a weapon and a two feet tall dragon. You've got no chance!" Sora said.

"Wow… Suddenly I've realised how silly our team really is" Donald said.

"Gosh. Sure wish the king was here… then we'd also have a small mouse with a keyshaped sword on our team" Goofy said.

"Yeah… Or Riku" Donald said.

"Nah. He looks to threatening, that'd just totally destroy our silly image" Goofy said.

"CAN WE JUST KILL HIM ALREADY?" Sora yelled.

"Oh right. You're going down!" Donald said and threw a fireball at Shan Yu.

Shan Yu caught fire and died.

"What? You didn't honestly think he'd survive that did you?" Donald asked.

Shang and the emperor came out.

"Congratulations Mulan! You saved China!" the emperor said.

"But she didn't do anything" Donald said.

"Shut up duck. Here's my seal and Shan Yu's sword so the world knows what you have done for china" the emperor said.

"Oh joy. An ugly amulet and an old broken sword. What I've always wanted" Mulan said sarcastically.

Captain Shang later came up to her.

"You… don't really fight like a girl anymore, now you're fighting more like a 15-year old boy! But don't worry, I'm sure you'll improve" he said.

Mulan and Sora glared at her.

"Er…. Like a 16-year old boy then?" Shang asked.

"THAT'S IT! I'M GOING TO PWN YOU AS SOON AS I GET TRHOUGH THIS WALL!" a guy in a black cloak behind the wall said, before he disappeared again and the gang could hear sounds of someone hacking on the wall with a bat-shaped sword.

"Well it's going to take him a few levels to get through that wall so we'll just be moving on then" Donald said.

"Wasn't there anything familiar about that guy?" Sora asked.

"Nah… what should that be?" Donald asked.

"Well judging buy the sounds it sounded like he was using Riku's old sword, the soul-eater" Sora said.

"You know how the soul-eater sounds like when hacking loose on a brick wall? Does it even sound differently from any other sword?" Goofy said.

"Heck yeah, all swords sound differently. When hacking loose on a brick wall I prefer the sound of the Metal Chocobo" Sora said. "The Soul-Eater sounds worst."

"JUST WAIT UNTIL YOU HEAR THE SOUND IT MAKES WHEN IT HITS YOUR HEAD!" the guy behind the wall said.

"ALREADY HEARD IT AND IT SOUNDS BETTER WHEN I'M HIT WITH THE OATHKEEPER THANK YOU" Sora yelled back.

"I don't even want to know how you figured that out, let's go back to the gummi ship" Donald said.

"Actually… Kairi threw it in my head when she was mad at me for leaving her and go to the end of the wor…let go of my ear" Sora said.

* * *

**Usagi: new strange revelations about Sora…he sure has some strange hobbies…**

**Please review.**


	14. Castle of the Beast

**Usagi: hi! We're back again; the clock is almost 2 at night and high time to upload!**

**Zakura: would it kill you to upload anything in the day?**

**Usagi: yup. Well no… I do that occasionally too. But I sometimes tend to be writing all day and want to finish before I go to bed, which is 2-3 in the morning…. But enough blabbering, chapter 14 for you.**

**CHAPTER XIV**

**CASTLE OF THE BEAST**

Donald dragged Sora along into the gummi ship and then out again on the next world ("You can let go now Donald" Sora complained) where they found a large castle.

"Gosh. I wonder who lives here" Goofy says.

"Maybe Riku!" Sora said.

"Doesn't he live on Destiny Islands?" Donald asked.

"Technically yes, but he hasn't been there for a year" Sora said.

"Well how do you know? Neither have you" Goofy said.

"Hey…. You're right, how DO I know?" Sora said.

Suddenly a roar was heard trhough the castle.

"Hey! Didn't you guys hear who that sounded like?" Sora asked.

"No. You're the one who's oh-so good at recognizing random sounds" Donald said.

"It was Beast!" Sora said.

…

"Who?" Donald asked.

"You know….the beast who helped us on Hollow Bastion" Sora said.

"Is his name only Beast?" Donald asked. "Who names their child that?"  
"Well I don't think he was called that when he was born" Sora said rolling his eyes.

_Flashback: some hospital 20 years earlier._

The doctors come in with a screaming baby boy to a woman.

"Eyw. What an annoying sound, he sounds like a beast!" the woman said.

"You're right darling. Let's name him Beast!" the child's father said.

_End flashback._

"Huh… well what do you know…" Sora said.

"Sora, stop remembering things you've never experienced and help us fight these heartless!" Donald said.

"Oy. Why are there so many heartless here?" Sora asked.

"Gosh. Maybe they like the scenery?" Goofy asked.

"Heartless don't care about the scenery" Sora said.

"Well how do you know?" Goofy asked.

"Well…."  
_Flashback: Hollow Bastion 1 year earlier._

Sora's heartless stood on a balcony in Hollow Bastion looking down.

"Hey! Look at the pretty scenery!" he said.

"We don't care freak" a random wyvern said and pushed Sora out from the balcony.

_End flashback._

"I still have a scar from that" Sora said, shuddering.

"Are we going to fight these heartless or not?" Donald asked.

Suddenly the roar was heard again, and Beast jumped down from the second floor, killed all the heartless, picked up a random rose on a table and went back up stairs.

"Well hello to you too" Sora said in disbelief.

"Look! There's a woman up there!" Goofy said.

"That must be Belle. Let's go see her" Sora said.

The trio ran upstairs and straight into the first door they saw.

"Ow that hurts" Sora said.

"Maybe we should try OPENING the door first?" Donald asked.

"Ah. You're not as dumb as you look Donald" Sora said and opened the door.

"I look dumb? I'll get this door open" Donald said.

He walked back and ran straight into the door…or would have if someone hadn't opened it so he fell to the floor.

"Hey! Who opened the door?" the duck asked.

He looked up at Belle, one of the princesses of heart.

"I'm so glad you're here!" She said and picked up Donald.

"Hey! Don't! Daisy's going to kill me" Donald said.

"So Belle. What's up with Beast? He didn't seem happy to see us" Sora said. "In fact…he didn't look like he saw us at all".

"He's been acting strange lately, and locked all his servants into the dungeon" Belle said.

"How rude. You want us to go save them?" Sora asked.

"Yes please, I'm so thirsty and all my clothes are just lying around on the floor" Belle said.

"Why don't you just go into the kitchen yourself, get a cup of tea and put your clothes into your closet?" Goofy asked.

"You'll see" Belle said.

The insulted three friends left Belle and went to the dungeon door; they finally found the door, hidden behind a closet.

"This must be it" Sora said and pushed the closet out of the way.

Suddenly, the closet yawned. "Would you mind?" It asked, and moved back in front of the door.

"What the?" Donald said.

"Why I'll show you" Sora said and pulled out his keyblade but then Donald and Goofy jumped him. "Hey! Let it go! That might be one of Belle's friends" Goofy said.

"And it's standing in our way because…?" Sora asked.

"Well… maybe it's turned into a heartless?" Goofy suggested.

"Oh come on! Furniture doesn't have hearts to start with!" Sora said.

"Didn't Riku say the same thing about wooden puppets?" Jiminy asked from his hood.

"Fine, be that way" Sora said and pushed the closet out of the way again, and chained it stuck so it couldn't move back.

"There. Now let's go find those servants of Beast" Sora said and entered the room.

Behind the door was…another door.

Donald walked up to it and tried to open it, when suddenly some statues on the door came to life and attacked.

"Well what do you know… a heartless door" Sora said.

"Looks like it's possessed or something" Goofy said.

"Whatever. I don't have time for this" Sora said. With the keyblade he chased the heartless away from the door and ran inside.

In the dungeon they found no one, just a candlestick, a clock, a tea kettle and a tea cup.

"And why has he thrown these random objects into the dungeon?" Donald asked.

"Oh my, it appears we've been saved!" the candlestick said.

"OMG! The candle just talked" Sora said, hiding behind Goofy.

"Bonjour gentlemen. My name is Lumiere" the candlestick said. "These are Cogsworth and mrs Pots and her son Chip".

Sora gazed at the kettle and the cup.

"Who the heck is his father?" he asked.

"Never mind that. What happened to you?" Donald asked.

"We could tell you. It's a tale as old as time, but true as it can be…" mrs Pots started.

"NO SINGING! The Atlantica-mission hasn't even started yet and we definitely don't want any more of that" Sora said.

"Well alright then. One day we were all human, living here and serving the prince" mrs. Pots explained.

"The beast is a prince?" Goofy asked in disbelief.

"Yup. But a rather mean prince. One day an old woman came and knocked on our door, asking for shelter for the night, but the prince refused, so she put an enchantment over the whole castle and everyone living in it" Cogsworth said.

"I live in the cupboard" Chip explained.

"Interesting… How do tea kettles mate anyway?" Sora asked.

"Have you not been listening to what we just said?" Lumiere asked.

"What does "mate" mean?" Chip said.

"Well little bo…cup. When a male tea kettle and a female tea kettle love each other very much…" Sora started before Donald hit him in the head with his staff.

"Stop putting strange thoughts into his head!" the duck warned.

"So you're stuck like that forever?" Goofy asked.

"Hopefully not. We'll turn back to normal if the master, the beast, learns how to love and be loved in return" Lumiere said.

"That sounds like something from Moulin Rouge" Sora said rubbing his head.

"Except the main character in Moulin Rouge wasn't turned into a beast and his friends wasn't turned into furniture and flatware" Lumiere said. "We were hoping Belle could help but right now he doesn't even want to talk to her".

"We'll talk to him. After all we're his best friends" Sora said.

"What are you talking about? You just randomly bumped into him in Hollow Bastion and decided to follow him after Riku beat him up and stole your keyblade" Donald said.

"Details… let's go!" Sora said.

Meanwhile, in Beast's room, Beast was talking to some guy in a black cloak… now where have we seen that outfit before?

"You can't trust her; she's going to take everything from you! Your rose, your underwear, even your dog! And then she's going to kill you in your sleep using this axe!" the guy in the black cloak said, holding an axe into the air.

Suddenly the door opened and Sora, Donald and Goofy came in, followed by Cogsworth the clock.

"Not so fast! Black hood and saying really random stuff, you've got to be a member of Organization XIII!" Sora said.

"Oh crap. Busted" the guy said and ran of….and by ran of I mean disappeared in thin air… and by thin air I mean dark portal…and by dark portal I mean OH WILL YOU STOP ASKING? You didn't ask? Oh…ok.

"O…K? So who's the random idiot?" Sora asked.

"His name was Xaldin, he just came by coming with weird threats" Beast said.

"Well you shouldn't listen to him. He's from the Organization XIII and they're about as evil as "Ansem", besides, Belle is worried about you" Sora said.

"Belle! Oh I must apologize to her!" Beast said.

"Good idea master, and there are more in this castle you should apologize to as well" Cogswort said.

Beast looked at the clock with a confused expression.

"Who?" he asked.

"Well a hint… One is standing in this room, one is French and has a candle as his head, one gives you tea every day and one is going to have nightmares about this for years and will probably come screaming into my room one day and demand to sleep in my bed!" Cogswort said.

"Hm…never heard of them. Off to Belle we go!" Beast said and ran out of the room, followed by Sora, Donald and Goofy.

Cogswort stayed in Beast's room.

"Why do I bother?" he sighed.

The odd trio+Beast ran out into the hallway.

"Belle! Where are you?" Beast yelled.

"I'm in the ballroom!" Bell yelled, she sounded slightly worried.

"Hm…. Sounds like she's in trouble" Sora said.

"What could it be?" Donald asked.

"Gosh… do you think it's Gaston's gang?" Goofy asked.

"Maybe….we should go check it out?" Beast asked.

The trio stared at him.

"Good plan" Sora said and opened the door.

Walking into the ballroom they saw Belle, who ran around in the room being chased by a heartless.

"Well what do you know…" Sora said.

"Save me!" Belle said and ran out on the balcony, shutting the heartless in.

"Oh great plan! Now while you're safe on the balcony the heartless is stuck in the ballroom with us" Sora said sarcastically.

"Gosh… maybe we should fight it or something?" Goofy said.

"You do that, I'd rather sit this one out" Sora said and turned to leave.

"You can't! You're the only character in this game who isn't replaceable" Donald said.

"Damnit! Why can't Riku be the hero for once? Okay I'll get it" Sora sighed.

He summoned his keyblade and started whacking the heartless with it.

"Darnit heartless! Get out of here!" he said.

"Dude, that's my job" Donald said. "And it didn't work when I did it so why would it work when…"

He wasn't able to finish the sentence as suddenly the heartless flew of out of the door.

"What's the big idea??" Donald yelled.

"There! I got the heartless! We did it!" Sora said.

"So you think" said a voice behind them.

The gang turned around and saw the man in black again.

"Xaldin!" Beast said and charged at the man.

"Bye bye" Xaldin said and disappeared.

"What does he want here?" Beast asked.

"He probably wanted to turn you into a heartless so they could control your nobody….or they just like to pop up everywhere and bother us" Sora said.

"Last part, obviously" Donald said.

"Beast!" Belle shouted, and ran in from the balcony.

"Belle!" Beast said. "I hope I didn't hurt you or anything. I wasn't myself".

"I know you weren't. You don't have to apologize" Belle said.

"Eyw! Boring romantic stuff. We've got to go" Sora said and ran out the door.

"Oh just you wait until puberty gets you" Beast muttered.

**Usagi: there you have it first. As an apology for the shortness of the last chapter I am proud to announce this chapter is 4 pages long, which is different from the last ones that are usually between 2 and 3. Also it contains the entire Beast's Castle 1. Visit. **

**Please review, and make a teacup happy.**

**Chip: (does puppy-eyes)**


	15. Dance Water Dance

**Usagi: I'm back baby! With the LONGEST chapter of Kingdom Dorks yet! This chapter includes a lot of action, chickens and final fantasy characters. (At least 3 of them).**

**So why don't yah all sit back and relax with 6 pages of KD2:**

* * *

**Chapter XV**

**Dance Water Dance**

* * *

After escaping Belle and Beast's cuddle-time, Sora, Donald and Goofy found themselves in a very dark gloomy place.

"What is this place?" Goofy asked.

"I want my mommy" Sora whimpered.

"You have a mommy?" Donald asked.

Sora glared at him.

Suddenly they heard a scream, turning around they saw a girl being chased by heartless.

"What if those guys stopped appearing for five minutes? Would that be too much to ask?" Sora asked.

"Let's go save her" Goofy said.

They chased the cowardly heartless away and while Sora was flinging insults at them, Donald and Goofy helped the girl get up…or tried.

"Thanks, I'm okay" the girl said and stood up. "Who are you freaks?"  
"WE'RE NOT FREAKS!" Sora yelled.

"We're Sora, Donald and Goofy, we're superheroes" Donald said.

"You mean junior heroes Donald" Goofy added.

"My name is Megara, but my friends call me Meg, or at least they would if I had any" Megara said. "Oh wait… I do have one, Hercules."  
"We're friends with him to. How is he doing?" Sora asked.

"He's extremely tired because his dear uncle Hades keeps sending him all these monsters to fight" Megara said. "I was going to go down into the Underworld and tell him to stop being such a jerk when these dogs attacked me".

"The underworld is no place for girls, let us go talk to him instead" Sora said.

"Thanks, but before you leave" Megara said and threw a rock at his head. "Don't make fun of girls."

"Aye aye" Sora said and rubbed his sore head.

They walked into the cave of dead.

"Be careful, we may encounter some dangerous enemies….DANGEROUS ENEMY OVER THERE!" Sora screamed and pointed at a man in black running straight for them.

Everyone got ready for battle.

Donald pulled out a broomstick, Goofy pulled out a shield and Sora pulled out a SWOOP DA WOOP-laser-key-chainsaw.

He gazed at his Disney-friends. "Man you suck" he said.

Donald and Goofy only stared at his weapon with a puzzled look, but decided not to comment it, it looked sort of dangerous.

Then they looked up at the Organization-member, who had pulled out a sitar. But as he saw Sora's weapon he got a better idea.

"Run! Run away!" he yelled and disappeared into a portal.

"O…k?" Sora said.

"I told you not to use that thing, if you scare away all your enemies how are you going to get experience points?" Jiminy asked, proving he was still there, to everyone's surprise.

"Fine, spoilsport" Sora said and replaced the tiny plastic chain saw which served as the SDW-K-CS's keychain and replaced it with a Mickey-mouse symbol. "But this Keychain looks so extremely stupid."

"Well in my opinion a keychaped laser chainsaw looks even stupider" Donald said.

"It's a SWOOP DA WOOP-laser-key-chainsaw. Weren't you paying attention?" Sora asked.

Meanwhile in Hades' chamber, Hades had an important visitor.

"What are you going to do about that Hercules? He's beaten the crap out of every monster you sent at him" said Pete. "Why don't you just pick someone already dead and save him the trouble??"  
Hades, who until 5 seconds ago had just been bored of Pete's complaining suddenly lit up. Literally. His head was on fire.

"Dead? Dead is good, and I know just the warrior" he said.  
"You're going to raise the dead?" Pete asked.

"Yeah, that's no problem. I did it once before but she had such an ugly voice I just threw her back out".

"Aha, that explains it" said a blonde guy standing in the corner.

"…Cloud? Are you still here?" Hades asked. "You're not dead".

"I came do deliver a present to a friend, here you go" Cloud said and threw a present in the face of a random guy.

"Hurray! No one's ever given me presents before!" Kadaj yelled and ran of.

"I thought you were enemies" Hades said.

"Whatever gave you that idea? Well just go ahead with your evil plan I won't disturb you anymore" Cloud said and flew out of the window.

"I've always wondered how he could fly with only one wing" Pete said, as a bang was heard from the direction Kadaj had just left.

The evil two friends+the demons Pain and Panic went to a swirly green portal of some sort on the ground.

"This time I'm bringing back the mother of all bad guys!" Hades said as a soul came out of the portal.

Out of the portal came a man, who had apparently damaged his arm somehow.

"That can't be the mother of all bad guys, he's a man" Pete said.

"Dang. I was going to bring back my mother in law, but I guess this guy would do fine" Hades said. "Here's the deal I'm going to offer you, if you do this job you'll be out of the slammer, no strings, free as a bird. All you got to do is fight Hercules to the death!"

The man just glared at him. "I don't want to, this is my story. I'm on the front cover, you're not!" he said.

"You're not on the front cover of KH2" Hades reminded him.

The man grabbed a KH2-cover and stole one of Namine's pencils (how? Don't ask) and drew something. "Now I am!" He said and showed them the coverart, which now had an ugly stick figure on it which was supposed to look like him apparently.

"Did you forget who you are talking to? I am the lord of the dead!" Hades said.

"No wonder no one wants to die. And you're not on the cover so you're obviously not important" said the dead man.

"You're fired!" Hades said and attacked the man.

Suddenly Sora and the gang ran in the door. "Hey! I like that guy's opinions. We must save him!" he said and pulled out his chainsaw.

"Not that" Jiminy said.

Sora growled and took out the Kingdom key instead.

All attacked Hades but the attacks had as much effect as a Magikarp's splash, which is by far the most useless attack in all the Pokèmon games.

"Something's wrong!" Donald said.

"That's right, you see in the underworld heroes are about as useless as Sora in heartless-form" Hades said.

"You are so dead" Sora said.

"Correction: He's the lord of the dead" Panic said.

"Let's try that Organization guy's technique" Sora said.

"Good plan" Donald said.

Then Sora, Donald, Goofy and the dead Final Fantasy-character turned around and ran outside yelling "Run! Run away!"  
After running for some time, the exhausted three friends collapsed.

"You're really good at running, are you some kind of super-coward?" Sora asked the Final Fantasy character who was the only one still standing.

"No. I'm just an….Auron" the man said.

"Oh cool! You fight Death Eaters?" Sora asked.

"I said Auron, not auror, that's my name!" Auron said.

"I knew that" Sora said stubbornly. "I'm Sora".

"I'm Donald" Donald said.

"And I'm Goofy" Goofy said.

"Maybe we were fated to meat. You look like you could use a guardian" Auron said.

"Thanks but no thanks. I have a key-shaped sword!" Sora said.

"Oh well then you're perfectly safe" Auron said and rolled his eyes.

They walked up to the exit to the underworld and Donald tried to push it open. It didn't work.

"What? It's closed!" he said.

"Aw man, if only we had a key" Sora said.

Auron gazed at him. "Did you already forget about the keyshaped sword you have?" he asked.

"Oh yeah….." Sora said and used his keyblade to open the door.

Then suddenly they were attacked by Cerberus, the 3-headed dog.

"Oh sure, anything else would be far too easy wouldn't it?" Sora said, sounding annoyed.

They fought Cerberus and left. Sora had already fought him before so it wasn't all that hard.

Meanwhile, back with Hades and pals Pete had just finished explaining stuff about the keyblade to Hades.

"Have I ever told you about the killer coliseum we have right here in the underwold? It makes the one upstairs look like a kiddie pool for fluffy rabbit, and I mean not the kind of rabbit like Usagi's pet rabbits, real fluffy kind rabbits" Hades said. "However Zeus locked it tight. But all we got to do is swipe that key and reopen the underdrome."

"Hate to tell yah, but that key won't work on just anyone" Pete said. "And that kid ain't no pushover".

"I think this calls for a woman's touch" Hades said.

Back outside, Sora, Donald and Goofy (having lost Auron, god knows how) went into the Olympus coliseum, where they once again met their old friend Hercules.

"Sora, Donald, Goofy! On another adventure?" Hercules asked.

"Yeah you know, searching out some friends, wiping out some heartless" Sora said.

"You lost your friends again?" Hercules asked.

"Only one of them... The other one's back home unless she's gotten kidnapped again" Sora said.

"You got to learn to take better care of your friends Sora, I still got mine" Hercules said and pointed towards Megara and Phil who were standing behind him. "Well cept for those two I knew at school but since they only appear in the sucky Hercules cartoon which doesn't make sense to the movie nobody cares about them".

"How are you doing? Have you earned your true hero wings yet?" Phil asked.

"We did save the world from the heartless" Sora said.

"Really? Then how come they're still here? Accompanied by some strange white guys who apparently love to dance?" Phil asked.

"It's not my fault there's so many of them" Sora said.

"Nope, you ain't got what it takes" Phil said.

"I hate you" Sora said.

Just then Hercules entered, soon after came Hades too.

"What's up your hero-ness? Feeling under the weather?" Hades asked.

"Hades! We need to talk!" Sora said.

Hades put Sora into a cardboard box.

"I just came to share some interesting news. Your little friend Nutmeg went and got herself lost in the underworld" he said.

"No she isn't, she's right over there" Hercules said pointing over there.

"No she isn't. That's just a cardboard figure" Hades said.

"Hah! At least when I loose my friends I know I have lost them" Sora said from inside the box.

Hercules summoned his flying horse Pegasus and was about to mount him when Hades stopped him

"You can't leave now. You have a great mach coming up, against…uhm" Hades skimmed trhough a bunch of cards with pictures of various monsters on them. "Cerberus? no. the titans? No. Cloud Strife? Oh that's right, he quit. Blue-eyes-white-dragon? Hell no. Ah. Here's one! The bloodthirsty Hydra!"

Hades left, laughing like a maniac.

"You take care of the Hydra, we'll handle the rest" Sora said.

"What about the underworld curse?" Donald said.

"Well you could use the Olympus stone. That should protect you" Hercules said.

"Alright, where is it?" Sora asked.

"It got stolen by a man in black" Hercules said.

"Darnit" Sora said. "But hey! We saw a man in black!"  
"In the underworld" Donald said.

"This is not my lucky day" Sora sighed.

Despite all odds being against them the team decided to go down into the underworld and find the man in black.

After running trhough the underworld and getting lost four times they finally found the guy…he had gotten lost as well and was now whining in a room.

When the happy three friends entered the unhappy one friend (he was friends with himself…) quickly got up and pretended like nothing ever happened.

"I wasn't crying or anything" he said quickly.

"We can see that" Sora said,

The man took his hood of, revealing he was really…DEMYX!

"Who the hell is Demyx?" Sora asked.

**You know… the guy who called you back in Chapter 10.**

"Well he didn't say his name…" Sora said.

"Roxas?" Demyx said, in an attempt to get back on topic.

"Sorry dude. Never heard of him, try take out the X and mix the letters around a little" Sora said.

"Ah, it's no use" Demyx said and pulled out a note. "If the subject does not reply, use aggression to liberate its true disposition" he read out loud. "Man did they pick the wrong guy for this".

"You are a strange disturbing person" Sora said. "Would it be too much to ask if you just laid down and died just now?"  
"Did they ever pick the wrong guy for this one" Demyx sighed and put the note back into his pocket. Then he pulled out the Olympus stone.

"He's got to be the thief!" Goofy said.

"Now that's just plain rude! You can't just accuse me of being a thief just because I coincidentally am standing here with the loot in my hand and Hermes coincidentally saw a guy dressed just like me run of with it fifteen minutes ago. You're crazy. I should sue you for coming with these false accusations!"

He pulled out his sitar and yelled "Dance Water! Dance!" As he did that a bunch of clones made by water appeared.

A message appeared out of the blue saying "Defeat 10 forms in 30 seconds".

"Screw that" Sora said and hit Demyx' sitar so one of the strings fell of, the clones disappeared.

"Hey, that's not fair" Demyx said and disappeared into a portal, probably to whine somewhere.

"What a complete utter moron. Hey! He dropped the Olympus Stone!" Sora said and picked up the stone. "Lets go save Meg!"

They ran into the next room where they found a Meg-shaped stone with a keyhole on it.

"What an oddly shaped rock" Donald said.

"Well there's a keyhole on it, and every time I find a keyhole I MUST unlock it!" Sora said, and did just that.

As the beam from the keyblade hit the keyhole, the Meg-shaped stone disappeared and revealed a hole.

"Let's jump down into it for no reason" Sora said and jumped down into the hole for no reason with his confused two friends who started to wonder if the Keyblade-master had lost it.

Down in the hole they found Meg and Hades.

"Hades? You kidnapped Meg? Wow! I never saw that coming!" Sora yelled.

"Wow that's some key. Thanks for your help. Have a nice day" Hades said and disappeared.

"Is it too much to ask to get villains who actually explain what they are doing?" Sora said.

"No. Only stupid villains do that. Like Dr. Draken and Hasterwheel" Donald said.

"Hamsterviel! Hamsverviel!" said a random gerbil in the corner. "And I'm hamster-like!"

Sora threw his SDW-Laser-key-chainsaw at the "hamster" (which btw looks way more like a gerbil and I know rodents) killing the annoying thing.

"I knew I could get use for this thing one day" Sora said.

"Sora! Behind you!" Meg yelled.

Behind them was Pete, and he was laughing.

"What's wrong? Can't fight in the underworld? Bohooo" he said.

"Better think again!" Sora said and pulled his keyblade out. "But I still prefer my chainsaw…"

"JUST CHANGE THE KEYCHAIN ALREADY!" Donald said. "Don't you still have that lucky charm Kairi gave you?"

"Oh right…forgot about that one" Sora said and switched out the keychain with Kairi's lucky charm, the keyblade transformed into Oathkeeper.

They attacked the hook bat heartless but more just kept coming.

"There's too many of them!" Sora said.

Suddenly Hercules appeared out of nowhere.

"Sorry I'm late" he said.

He placed Megara on top of Pegasus.

"Get out of here, I'm gonna show these guys what a real hero is" he said.

Sora, Donald and Goofy followed Pegasus and came out of the hole. How? Plot device my dear readers.

But then of course, since they are the good guys Sora decided they had to go back down and help Hercules.

"Hm. This place gives me the creeps. I'll deal with you later" Pete said and ran of.

After having defeated their enemy, Sora and the gang went back to the Coliseum, only to find the place completely destroyed.

"This can't be" Hercules said.

But it was, Hydra, whom Herc thought he had defeated was NOT defeated, and it had destroyed the coliseum.

"I failed to protect everyone" Hercules said saddened.

"It's not your fault. And it's not that bad either, just lucky there was no one here to protect" Phil said.

"I'm some hero. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go sulk in that corner over there" Hercules said.

"Looks like we got to be the heroes. Again" Sora said. "How on earth did you guys survive the year I was gone?"

"Well why do you think we're the only ones here?" Phil asked.

"Oh right…" Sora said.

"I only have two words for you. GET UP ON THE HYDRA'S BACK!" Phil said.

"You need to learn how to count" Sora said and got up on the hydra's back.

He started beating on the monster and eventually cut its head of.

"Piece of cake" he said.

Suddenly three new heads grew up.

"A very hard cake" Sora said.

He jumped up on Pegasus and started chopping the heads of, every time he did new ones kept growing back.

"Why does he do this?" Phil asked.

"I think he finally snapped" Donald said.

After a lot of decapitation however, the hydra seemed to be tired of growing back new heads so it dropped dead.

"Alright! I killed the hydra! I rock! You suck!" Sora said and did a happy dance.

"That's really helping on my mood" Hercules said.

"You just need some rest that's all" Megara said. "Besides, there won't be any more games for a while."

"So just concentrate on rebuilding the whole coliseum" Phil said.

Everyone glared at him.

"Okay… then Sora and the gang can do it" Phil said and turned around, only to see that the happy three friends were gone, the sound of the Gummi Ship taking of was heard in the background.

Meanwhile someplace else.

"Where on earth are all my old helpers?" Maleficent asked, looking down at her "council" which had shrunk from a band of half-good Disney Villains to Pete and two shadow heartless who only where there so the room wouldn't look so empty.

"I suppose they had better things to do. There's this Organization XIII that keeps getting in their way" Pete said.

"Who dares get in the way of the main villain of Kingdom hearts?" Maleficent asked.

She heard a snort behind her, turned around and saw "Ansem".

"Never mind me. Go on" he said.

"Riiiight… Well there's more heartless than nobodies anyway so we'd better just show these guys who's the main villain of this game…shut up "Ansem", but first we need a new house" Maleficent said.

* * *

**Usagi: How'd you like that? Longest chapter yet and I just figured out that KD2 will most likely be at least 34 chapters long, probably longer (I only counted by the number of visits at each world, counting one chapter each visit (some put together, like Space Paranoids and Hollow Bastion)) **

**Next chapter will be at Disney Castle. Please review folks!**


	16. Trouble at Disney Castle

**Usagi: I'm back baby! With no further ado: here's chapter nr 16.**

* * *

**Chapter XVI**

**Trouble at Disney Castle**

"Hey, I just thought of something" Donald said randomly as the happy three friends were back in the gummi ship and as soon as Sora was done bragging over having defeated the Hydra.

"What Donald?" Goofy asked.

"Well…we've been out travelling for a long time looking for the king…what if he already went back home ages ago" Donald said.

The other two looked at him.

"Did you know you had a strange growth in your face" Sora asked.

"That's my beak idiot. Let's go to Disney Castle!" Donald said.

And so the gummi ship turned and moved towards Disney Castle.

It didn't take them too long to get there, and soon the trio were back in the Gummi Ship Garage.

"So this is where you live? Must be nice to be home" Sora said.

Suddenly Chip and Dale came running down the stairs.

"Thank god you are here! It's horrible! There's thorns everywhere!" Chip said.

"No wonder, The queen never had green fingers" Donald said.

"Gawrsh…. Isn't that kind of like in that movie, Cinderella?" Goofy asked.

"No Goofy. That's Sleeping Beauty. Maybe the villain from that movie has returned?" Sora said.

"Who's that?" Donald asked.

"I don't know…. The evil stepmother?" Sora asked.

"THAT'S Cinderella" Donald reminded him.

"Right. I always get those mixed up" Sora said.

"Are you gonna stand her discussing Disney Movies all day or are you going to save Disney Castle??" Dale asked.

So the happy three friends + the smaller happy three friends (Chip, Dale and Jiminy) fought their way trhough Disney castle in order to find the queen.

They found Queen Minnie in the library.

"Your majesty! We're back!" Donald said.

"Oh thank goodness you are here, the castle is in grave danger" Minnie said.

"We've noticed. Where's the king?" Sora said.

"Not here" Minnie said.

"Or Riku?"

"Nope".

"K. Thanks anyway. See you later" Sora said and turned to leave, but Donald threw a lasso around him pulling him back.

"Your majesty, this is our friend Sora" Donald said, after having tied Sora up.

"Oh so that's Sora. The king told me all about you in his letters" Minnie said.

"First of all; how does he know so much about me when I've only seen him once and third; if he writes to you can't you tell him to stop hiding all the time and tell me where Riku is??" Sora asked. "And tell Donald to untie me.

"So your majesty, what are all these heartless doing here?" Goofy asked.

"So those are the heartless. I thought they were the new cleaning crew. No wonder they did such a lousy job" Queen Minnie said.

"Don't worry, we'll take care of them if you UNTIE ME!" Sora said.

"Oh no! I forgot to warn everyone else in the castle about the danger!" Minnie said.

"Not to me disrespectful or anything I'm sure they've noticed" Donald said. "After all there's heartless everywhere".

"I guess you're right. Would you please escort me to the audience chamber?" Minnie asked.

"If you untie me" Sora said.

"Oh, you're tied up? I didn't even notice" Minnie said.

Sora glared at her.

A few minutes of untying and escorting later the queen and Sora (ditching all the others because they were not cool enough to hang out with them) found themselves in front of an enormous door.

"Why the heck do you have such a gigantic door?" Sora asked.

"The king's got a huge ego" Minnie explained, and opened a slightly smaller door in the first one. "Now then, shall we?"

Minnie led Sora though the humongous hall that seemed fit for Riku, Maleficent and "Ansem's" ego at the same time, towards a tiny chair in the middle, which was also the only piece of furniture in the room.

Minnie examined the throne, and soon it moved aside, revealing a hidden staircase underneath it.

"What's down there?" Sora asked.

"This castle has always been safe from worlds that are evil, thanks to the Cornerstone of light" Minnie said.

"The Cornerstone of…light? Who the heck made up that corny name?" Sora asked.

Minnie ignored him, and walked down the stairs.

Downstairs was a dark room, filled with thorns, a big glowing orb and Donald and Goofy, who were not cool enough to be above ground.

"This is the castle's cherished Cornerstone" Minnie said, pointing to the giant orb. "But look, the thorns".

Sora looked around in the room; surely it was filled with thorns, in one corner stood a man with blue tattoos on his face and long ears.

"Who the hell are you?" Sora asked.

"Name's Torn. Wazzup?" the man/elf said.

"O…k? I guess…" Sora said.

Suddenly a dark vortex appeared, and Maleficent's fuzzy figure appeared.

"Well well. What have we got here. If it isn't the keyblade master, his pitiful lackeys and….the commander of the Freedom League in Dork3?" she said.

"Never mind me, I'm just looking for Jak" Torn said, and started searching the thorns.

"You know; you might wanna go to Twilight Town" Sora said.

"Why? Have you seen him?" Torn asked.  
"No…but I just had a feeling he might be there" Sora said.

"Oh well, now you're going to deal with me!" Donald said and charged at Maleficent…and went right trhough her.

"Don't worry. I promise you'll be able to participate in me killing all of you/turning you heartless (again in Sora's case). You'll just have to be patient" Maleficent said.

"Just what are you doing here Maleficent?" Minnie asked.

"I just thought that if I planted a bunch of thorns down here you'd be tired of this castle and let me have it. However it's a bit too bright for what I have in mind. I'll just have to give every room a touch of my personal darkness" Maleficent said.

"You better stop right now!" Minnie said.

"Oh! How frightening!" Maleficent said and disappeared, laughing evilly.

"What a total bitchy fing pig-faced hag" Sora said.

"Nothing like this has ever happened before. I've checked through all the books in the library and couldn't find a single clue" Minnie said.

"No wonder, the king is such a big fantasy-fan that library is filled with nothing but Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings. +his collection of Final Fantasy-games" Donald said.

"We should go ask someone who knows lots of things that aren't in any book…or Final Fantasy-game" Goofy said.

"Merlin the wizard!" Sora said.

"Great idea! Let's go ask him!" Donald said.

So the trio ditched Minnie and went to Hollow Bastion.

Three seconds later (wow! That gummi ship is fast!) they found themselves in Merlin's house.

"Anybody home?" Sora asked.

"Merlin!" Donald yelled.

"The castle is in danger!" Goofy said.

Poof.

Merlin was suddenly standing behind them.

"What Castle?" he asked.

"It's Maleficent! She's back!" Donald said.

"Where?" Merlin asked.

"Inside the castle!" said Donald.

"What Castle?" Merlin asked.

"And there's heartless in there too" Goofy said.

"Where?" Merlin asked.

"Inside the…"

"WHAT CASTLE?!" Merlin yelled, interrupting poor Goofy.

"Oh…Disney Castle. We thought with the chapter title that was pretty obvious" Sora said.

"Then we must leave at once!" Merlin said.

Poof.

Suddenly they were back in Disney Castle where Minnie was still looking all worried and Torn was still looking for the love of his life…I mean his friend…

Merlin walked up to the cornerstone.

"This is not good. In fact it's very serious" Merlin said.

"Serious and Kingdom Dorks don't mix well" Sora said.

"Well if you want dorkness go look at Torn" Merlin said. He then did some strange waves with his hands and a door appeared.

"What's that?" Sora asked.

"It's a door. What does it look like?" Merlin said. "That is a gateway to a very special world. Someone in that world is responsible for what's happening in this castle. In that world there should be another door just like this one, you must lock it with your keyblade."

"Lock door with keyblade" Sora said, writing it all down on the handle of the Kingdom Key, since he didn't have a notebook. "K guys. Let's get going!"

* * *

**Usagi: well I hope this was funny enough for you. ****It even had ties to the first two Dork-fanfics….which were parodies on Jak2 and Jak3. Jak's already appeared once back in chapter 1.**

**"Ansem": Why do you put quoatations on my name?**

**Usagi: because you're a fraud. But that won't be revealed untill at least chapter 25. But enough talk… please review. **


	17. Colourless Fantasy

**Usagi: We are back! Sorry for the long wait… Heart Wars was just a bit too fun to write…but I haven't forgotten about this fic because of that! Its just that…this chapter is… black and white… enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter XVII**

**Colourless Fantasy**

* * *

Sora, Donald and Goofy came out of the door in a black and white world. 

"What the f? I thought Square Enix was known for awesome graphics, what happened to the colours?" Sora asked.

Donald, having a far longer beak than normal examined his body.

"Hey, this feels kind of déjà vu" he said.

"Really? Have you been here before? Can't blame you for leaving" Sora said.

"Look! There's the cornerstone of light" Goofy said, pointing to the big orb.

"Don't be so goofy, Goofy. The cornerstone is far more colourful" Sora said.

"You are too" Goofy commented.

Sora looked down at his body, noticing he was wearing something similar to his old KH1-clothes…cept black and white.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAT??? What happened to my beautiful colours? Sora screamed. "Its almost like turning heartless again…cept at least shadows have some colour….yellow eyes and extremely dark blackish blue…but this…this is just sick! It looks worse than the in-game graphics in Final Fantasy VII!"

"Hey! For a Playstation 1 game that one was considered very good graphics!" said a bl…grey-haired man with a big heavy sword who was hiding in the nearby bushes.

"Get lost. Can't you seem I'm having a breakdown here?" Sora said.

"Okay. Good luck with that then" the man said and left through a dark portal, which caused Donald to look at the spot he had been with a puzzled look.

"How did he do that?" the duck asked. "I thought only bad guys could use dark portals".

"Yeah…and who was that anyway? I can't remember ever meeting someone with grey spiky hair" Sora said.

But the trio had no more time to ponder about that, since suddenly Pete walked in. Except he looked kind of different. Colour-less for one, and drawn a lot simpler even with a tail.

"Hey you! Have you seen any villains around here?" Pete asked.

Sora, Donald and Goofy pointed at him.

"I don't have time for this! I have to find the thief that stole my steamboat!" Pete said and left.

"Well, there's our villain" Sora said.

The happy three friends followed Pete…and beat him up.

"Hey! What did you do that for? Who are you? Are you new around here?" he asked.

"Aw cut the act. You look like someone we know so therefore we have full right to beat you up" Sora said.

Pete looked like he was about to say something, but then the sound of a boat-horn was heard, he got up, and fell down again because of the pain.

"You know. Something doesn't seem quite right here" Goofy said.

"Sure it's not! There's no colour!" Sora said.

"Other than that…are you sure you are Pete?" Goofy asked.

"Well of course I'm Pete. I'm captain of the steamboat" Pete said.

"What steamboat?" Sora asked.

"The one that got stolen, and I'm gonna go find the runt that stole it" Pete said.

"Gawrsh. I think we made a mistake" Goofy said.

"I think you're right. Kind of hard to tell without the colours" Sora said.

"At least FFVII had colours!" said a black-haired girl in the bushes, while holding up a giant shuriken, but before anyone had time to comment on her, she disappeared into a dark portal.

"Where did they learn to do those portal thingies?" Donald asked.

"At dark-portal school" said a man with black long hair and re…grey cloak, plus a silver clawed hand, before vanishing.

"I'm definitely sure I've never seen THAT guy…" Sora said.

"Sorry we beat you up for close to no reason Captain Pete" Goofy said.

"Oh yeah? Well if you're really sorry, go find my steamboat!" Pete said.

The happy three friends went back to the hill where the cornerstone was standing, and found 4 doors that had suddenly appeared out of nowhere, they walked into one of them, and then suddenly they found themselves on top of a large unfinished building.

"Wonder what they're building? I sure as hell hope it's more colourful than everything else in this world" Sora said.

Suddenly a hammer heartless fell down from the sky, nearly hitting Sora.

But a small mouse flew past them, holding on to a rope, knocking the heartless away.

"It's the king!" Sora said.

The king landed on another pillar, and waved at the trio.

"He looks kind of different somehow" Goofy said.

"So do you" Sora noted, as several more heartless appeared. "And he needs help, let's get them".

Sora then promptly kicked the heartless of the building so they all fell to their deaths, while he was smiling at them and Donald and Goofy started thinking he should seriously see a shrink… Surely the heartless were evil, but it really couldn't be normal to feel so much happiness from seeing them get hurt.

After fighting of the evil heartless (whilst laughing manically in Sora's case) the king returned, shock Sora's hand, and then he left without a word.

"Hey…what was that all about?" Sora said. "Why isn't he talking?"

"Gawrsh. Maybe they forgot to give him a voice actor for this game" Goofy suggested.

"We've already heard him talk, besides, Cid didn't have a voice actor in the last game and didn't stop him from talking" Sora said. "As for this game I wished Aerith didn't have a voice actor…" he added, as a dark-grey-haired girl in a grey dress appeared and threw a bottle of him.

Fortunately for Sora it was a bottle of Potion, so it had no effect whatsoever.

"What is that?" Sora suddenly asked, and pointed to a large Widescreen LCD-screen. "And why is that suddenly so high-tech?"

Suddenly the TV turned itself on, showing an image that had slightly better graphics than anything else in that world, but it was still black and white.

The image showed Maleficent from behind.

"You absolute idiot" Maleficent said to no one in particular. "Not only do you fail at life, you foolishly thought you could take my place while I was away. Well as of now you are finished! There will be no time for you when our time comes".

With that the witch turned away and looked towards the window again, muttering random insults.

"But…but I" said another voice.

Then the TV turned itself of.

"That was odd" Sora said.

"Let's just go back and see what's inside the other doors" Donald said.

And so they did. When they walked trhough the next door, they found a city…a very small city.

"What is this? Gulliver's Island?" Sora asked.

Then they noticed Mickey Mouse, who was bouncing around in a corner.

"What is he saying?" Goofy asked.

"Hey Mickey! Get a voice actor already!" Sora said.

"Look behind you" Mickey said in an unusually deep voice.

Sora, Donald and Goofy turned around to see a heartless riding an airplane.

Mickey ran away at the sight of them.

"Hey! Are you man or mouse?" Sora yelled at him.

"Mouse of course, why do you think I have these huge ears?" Mickey said and disappeared.

"So…I bet we have to kill these bastards then" Sora said and attacked the heartless.

By using staffs, shields, giant keys and toy cannons they finally managed to destroy the heartless…and half of the miniature town in the process.

Mickey returned too, shaking Sora's hand.

"Thanks a lot for the help! I couldn't have done it without you" he said with his new very deep voice.

"You know what…that voice is all wrong, I liked you better when you weren't talking" Sora said.

"Fine, be that way" Mickey said and walked away offended.

"Look over there Sora!" Goofy said and pointed towards the LCD-screen that had appeared again.

Once again the black and white screen showed the room Maleficent was in, only no Maleficent this time. It showed no one…just a voice that was whining a lot.

"Wow…this guy whines a lot" Sora said.

"Oh I miss those good old days…what I wouldn't give to go back in time" the whining voice said.

Suddenly the room lit up and the camera turned around, to see the time-door standing in the corner.

The camera went closer to the door, and two hands were seen opening it. "Hey...I think that's…"

Then the screen turned black again.

"Weird…. Check the next door?" Sora suggested.

His friends shrugged. It wasn't like they had anything better to do.

In the next door they saw a building on fire, and a bunch of heartless.

"Fire! We need to stop it and defeat those heartless!" Sora said.

So they defeated the heartless and the building…well…it stopped burning once it had burned down to the ground, problem solved.

Mickey made a reappearance, shaking Sora's hand.

"Thank you very much" he said, with Aerith's voice.

"Ooooh. No. SHUT THE HELL UP!" Sora said and knocked him away.

"Well that takes care of that, any more LCD-screens around?" Sora asked.

"Not exactly" Goofy said and pointed to a small ancient black and white TV.

The TV turned itself on, showing Maleficent looking at the door.

"Fascinating, this appears to be a portal to the past, where everything was black and white and you had a tail" she said.

"Yeah, it was the strangest thing" the other voice said.

"This is Kingdom Dorks you idiot. Of course it is strange" Maleficent said. "Hey look! It's the cornerstone of light! With that we can take the castle from those fools…but we have to be careful".

The screen turned to black again.

"What is the deal with all these TVs?" Sora asked, as the strange people from before, the spiky-grey-haired man, the black-haired girl and the black-haired man with the silver claw returned, put a video into the TV and soon it started showing a perfect High Definition version of Final Fantasy Advent Children…in colour…even though it was a B&W TV…

"Er…lets just go to the next door before Aerith starts talking" Sora said and left.

In the next door they came to a room with a black hole sucking up everything…except for Mickey Mouse who was running back and forth in front of it.

"This is just plain stupid" Sora said, and placed a piece of duck tape over the hole, keeping it from sucking up all the furniture.

Mickey shook his hand without a word, and ran of again.

"Look, the LCD is back" Goofy said and pointed towards the widescreen TV.

The screen showed once again a black and white-image of Maleficent…upside down…

"Listen well, behind this portal those fools are going to start building that wretched castle, and the cornerstone of light lies unguarded" she said. "You know what must be done?"

"Er… start an ice cream stand?" the voice asked.

Maleficent glared at the camera.

"Or not?..."

"Go then, and don't fail again" Maleficent said and left.

"Don't fail again?" the voice said, the camera moved back and finally showed who owned the voice it was… dun dun dun….PETE!...oh come on, like you hadn't guessed that before.

"I know! I just got to smash that cornerstone to smithereens! But first I got to go get my steamboat back" Pete said and entered the door.

The screen turned black again.

"So it was Pete after all! Sora said.

"Still…something doesn't feel right" Goofy said.

"Has anything ever felt right in this fanfic?" Donald asked.

"Well…the Pete we met here had kind of an attitude, but he didn't seem like a bad guy" Goofy said.

"Hello, its Pete" Sora said.

"Well…your friend Riku has an attitude too; does that make him a bad guy?" Goofy said.

"Of course not. That's totally different" Sora said.

"Riiiight."

"Let's go beat him up again!" Sora said and ran of, keyblade raised.

"Once we get back to Disney Castle…I think we need to take him to a psychiatrist" Donald whispered to Goofy.

"Oh crap…the cornerstone is gone" Goofy said, and pointed to the place where the cornerstone had been.

"Oh bugger".

The two Disney characters ran down towards beach to find Sora, and they found the strangely drawn Pete with a tail again, arguing with Sora.

"Listen pipsqueak! I don't have time to get beaten up by you again! I finally found the punk that stole my steamboat! It was me!" Pete said.

"The…what?" Sora asked.

"No no, not me. Someone who looked like me!" Pete said, and ran of.

"My brain hurts" Sora said.

"Let's just go have a look" Donald said.

They ran down to the port and saw the steamboat, with the Cornerstone of Light on a raft behind it, and Pete fighting…Pete.

"Your future's on the line! So just give me that boat!" modern Pete said and threw old-fashioned Pete away.

Modern Pete jumped up on the boat and left the port.

"Hey! Give that back!" Sora said.

"Relax Sora…he's only driving around in circles anyway" Donald said.

"Oh…why?" Sora asked.

"Hey! This isn't as easy as it looks!" Pete said.

"Maleficent is right, you DO fail at life" Sora said, and used his keyblade to shot the steamboat, so it sank.

Pete swam to shore and ran of into the distance.

"He's heading for the doorway!" Sora said and followed him.

Meanwhile, Pete had ended in a cartoonish battle against himself again, complete with clown-like sound-effects.

"You're still wet behind the ears!" Modern Pete said as the trio ran towards him.

"Hello? You were the one who fell into the water" Sora said.

"Oh…right…" Pete said.

So they and old-school Pete started to beat up Modern Pete, who was soon defeated as he was outnumbered 4-0.

"Hey…what do you mean 0?" Modern Pete asked, and then he got back up and ran towards a door that just appeared out of nowhere.

"Look! It's the mysterious time-door!" Sora said.

"The what?" Old-school Pete asked.  
"The…door to Atlantica! Yeah, that's right, don't go in there, you will be forced to sing" Sora said.

"OMG! That's evil!"

"I know. I better lock this" Sora said and sealed the door with his keyblade.

"Will someone now tell me what's going on here? Who was that creep anyway?" Old school Pete asked.

"Er…. He was…George!" Sora said.

"O…k? Well sorry I caused so much trouble…although you did beat me up for no reason earlier" Pete said.

"Yeah well don't make a habit of it" Donald said. "And whatever you do, if you find a door leading back to the past, don't tell Maleficent".

"Don't tell who?"

"No one…"  
"K…and to show you my appreciation! I will let you pilot my steamboat! Best craft on the river" Pete said proudly.

"Really…that is very kind of you but…er…we're in a hurry…so…bye!" Sora said and ran of, followed by Goofy and Donald.

"Huh? What was up with them? Oh well" Pete said and went back to the steamboat...only to find out it had sunk. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he yelled so loudly everyone could hear him even up at the hill of the cornerstone.

But before Pete got time to beat up our heroes, the trio were back in their own time, and a thorn-free Disney Castle.

"Great work you guys!" Minnie said.

"Let's have an acorn-feast to celebrate" Chip said happily.

"Eywh! I don't like acorns!" Sora said.

Then another duck came into the room.

"Daisy! I am back!" Donald said.

Daisy however, just glared at him.

"Donald! You forgot our date again! You better have a good excuse this time!" she said.

"Really! I do! I was out saving the world and then we came to this castle that made us forget everything and we had to sleep for a year to get our memories back" Donald said.

"Yeah right, that's the oldest excuse in the book!" Daisy said.

"Ehm…I got to go…save the world" Donald said and ran of.

"Hey! Come back here!" Daisy said and chased him away.

* * *

**Usagi: hope you liked it, please review! And bonus to everyone who can find out who the Final Fantasy-characters in this chapter are. **


	18. From Colorless cartoon to live pirates

**Usagi: Sorry for the long wait guys, but to make up for it, here comes 7 pages of pirate-fun, the entire Port Royale First Visit in one chapter!**

**Zakura: Some jump…going from Steamboat Willie to Pirates of the Caribbean.**

**Usagi: yeah…while writing this I also realised it may well be the most violent Disney Movie I've ever seen. But first of I'd like to make one thing clear.**

**Since last time I got in a rather odd review, sure it was for chapter 8 but it was unsigned so I have no other way to answer it than this:**

**Dear ??? **

**Yes, Cloud Strife is a Final Fantasy Character. What Square Enix-fan DOESN'T know this? I've known it ever since I found out who he was, so whatever gives you the idea that I didn't??**

**Zakura: you do know this came about 10 chapters late right?**

**Usagi: yes, but since chapter 9 is already written there's nothing more to do. Enjoy the chapter people!**

* * *

**Chapter XVIII**

**From Colourless Cartoon to Live-Action Pirates**

About two hours later, after getting lost 8 times, the trio appeared at another world.

"Wow…this place looks VERY different from the Timeless River" Sora said.

"Yeah, it makes us all look like silly cartoon figures" Donald said.

"Nono. Don't be silly. It can't possibly be more realistic than reality can it?" Sora said.

Then they were cut of as they heard screaming.

"Someone's in trouble!" Sora said.

"Organization XIII?" Donald suggested.

"Heartless?" Goofy suggested.

"A Britney Spears-concert?" Sora suggested.

His friends just looked at him with a puzzled expression.

"What? I would panic if I saw one" Sora said shrugging, and then they ran towards the source of the sound.

--

Meanwhile, on a random pirate ship, Pete was talking to some unusually realistic pirates.

"Aztec treasure eyh?" he said.

"Aye. Thanks to it we are neither of the living nor the dead" the captain said.

"So…you're vampires?" Pete asked.

"No."

"Werewolves?"

"No."

"Demons?"

"No."

"Ghosts?"

"Ghosts _are_ dead."

"Oh right. Then are you heartless?"

"No."

"Nobodies?"

"No."

"Undead pirates?"

"Precisely"

"Dang I'm good at guessing!" Pete said proudly. "Though you look like normal unusually realistic pirates to me".

"Yeah, but in the moonlight" the captain started, right on cue, the clouds moved away exposing the moon, and suddenly the pirates all looked like walking skeletons, far less realistic.

"Oh. Now I get what you are saying" Pete said. "But if you see a guy with a giant key followed by a couple of cartoon-animals; stay clear. They have a kind of magic that don't belong in this world you see".

"Nah, we can't get killed by an idiot with a giant key. Only garlic and wooden stakes" one of the pirates said.  
"I thought you said you weren't vampires?" Pete said.

"We aren't. but he is" the captain said, and pointed to the random pirate, who was the only one who didn't look like a skeleton, in fact he looked like a young very pale man with fangs. "So you say this kid is a match for Barbossa eyh?"

Just then Sora and his friends appeared.

"Hey! It's not legal to stand around in the street looking like skeletons and talking to Pete!...or being vampires doing the same thing" Sora said.

"I knew it. Those are the punks I was telling you about" Pete said.

"Hey! Our names are Sora, Donald and Goofy! Not Punks! And you better not forget it!" Sora warned.

"I won't. I'll engrave it on your tombstones for sure" Captain Barbossa said.

"Wow. You're awfully violent for a Disney Character. I like your style" Pete said. "Other villains would just knock them out, make them sleep forever using poison apples or send them away to the real world or something."

"That's because cartoon villains suck. Men, half of you kill the brat, the rest of you bring me that medallion!" Barbossa ordered, and half of his men ran of, though it took some time before they decided who were to go so they crashed into each other before finally half of them had left.

"Aw…we only get to stomp on a few of you?" Sora said, looking awfully sad.

"Sora, I know they're villains, but your violent behaviour is starting to scare me" Donald said.

"I've been playing too few videogames. Let's go" Sora said and charged at the undead pirates and one vampire.

However they soon found out that beating the pirates without the moonlight was impossible, the vampire died quickly though, since Sora had accidentally dropped a box of garlic onto his keyblade, so it reeked of it.

"It's no use!" Sora said.

"Well what did you expect?" a pirate said.

Then the moon came out again, revealing the pirate's skeleton forms.

"Hey watch out! They can see your bones! Now they can probably kill you!" Pete said.  
"Oh…thanks for the tip Pete!" Sora said.

"Crap. Maleficent is going to kill me" Pete said and ran of.

So thanks to Pete's tip and a keyblade which reeked of garlic the gang was easily able to kill the pirates.

After dealing with the pirates and random vampire (whom no one quite knew what he was doing in this fic…probably because of Usagi's vampire-mania) the trio continued down the streets, there they saw one of the undead pirates carrying a girl, a young man was following them.

"Elizabeth! Come back with her!" the man said, then around 10 shadows popped out of the ground. "What the? First undead pirates now this?"

"We'll handle them!" Sora said, him and his friends easily wiped out the heartless (then Donald and Goofy knocked out Sora before he started laughing manically)

"Thanks for the help…why did you beat up your friend?" the man asked.

"Because he's a nutsack. I'm Donald, this is Goofy and the unconscious one is Sora" Donald said.

"I'm Will…say, why didn't you help my girlfriend earlier?" the man asked.

"She was in trouble?" Sora asked, wow, he woke up rather quickly.

"Well yeah….that pirate just carried her away while she was kicking and screaming?" Will said.  
"Oh…I thought they were going to a birthday party" Sora said.

The other two gazed at him.

"What? Riku always did that to me on his birthday. His parties are scary…" Sora said.

"Right…let's go save her then" Donald said.

They followed the pirate's tracks to the harbour, just as they saw a ship with black sails leave.

"We're too late! The pirates took Miss. Swan to their ship, and now I'll never be able to find her! I cannot live without her! Whatever shall I do?" Will said.

"Well first of stop being such a drama-queen. The Black Pearl is uncatchable, best find yourself another girl mate" a new voice said.

They turned around and saw a man looking distinctively drunk, sneaking around on a random ship.

"OMG! IT'S JOHNNY DEPP!" Sora yelled.

"No way, Johnny Depp is a real person, that guy is clearly computer animated" Donald said.

"You, Johnny Depp-lookalike. What are you doing aboard the Interceptor?" Will asked. "She's off limits to civilians, drunks and pirates! And particularly civilian drunken pirates!"

He pointed to a sign that indeed said "No admittance for Civilians, drunks, pirates, drunken civilians, civilian pirates, drunk pirates and civilian drunk pirates".

"Well fortunate that I'm going to be her captain then, and I'm not drunk" the man said. "She'll make a fine pirate ship".

"A pirate?" Sora asked sounding exited.

"Don't make me knock you out again" Donald warned him.

"_Captain_ Jack Sparrow if you please!" the pirate said.

"Well if you're a captain where's your ship and crew?" Goofy asked.

_Captain _Jack Sparrow sat down and started pouting in a corner.

"O…k… Touchy subject, I'm sorry" Goofy said.

"Take me with you! Help me track down the Black Pearl and save Miss. Swan, then we can get married and have three little kids, I'll name one of them Juliet, the other Jim and then we will get a house rabbit and name it Jack…if you help me out" Will said.

"You have to win her by yourself. I see now profit in it for me" _Captain_Jack Sparrow said. "Although it does sound tempting to get a rabbit named after me… will it be a giant rabbit?"

"Eh…no. We thought about getting a Netherland dwarf, so they will be easier to handle for our kids" Will said.

"In that case, no deal"_Captain_Jack Sparrow said.

"Aw…come on Captain" Sora said, doing puppy-eyes.

"Are you sure you can drive her all on your own?" Will asked.

_Captain _Jack Sparrow thought over this for a short while, and looked around at his crew, which seemed to consist of nothing but one rat. "You have a point there, hop aboard" he said.

"Thanks Sparrow" Will said as he walked aboard.

"CAPTAIN Sparrow"_Captain_Jack Sparrow said.

"I'm Sora, and this is Donald and Goofy" Sora said.

"And I'm Will Turner, the blacksmith apprentice who…" Will started but _Captain_Jack Sparrow cut him of.

"Yeah yeah. Good for you. That would be short for William I suppose? Are you named from your mother?" _Captain_Jack Sparrow asked.

"….my father actually, only he was ruthlessly swept away from…" Will said.

"That's what I said. Good for you" _Captain_Jack Sparrow said, once again interrupting Will's dramatic speech.

"Why do you care anyway?"

"No reason" _Captain_Jack Sparrow said innocently.

--

"Let me go already!" Elizabeth complained. "You have your trinket I am of no value to you".

She was in the Captain's room, being served food, oh the torture.

Captain Barbossa gazed at her. "Of course you are. We were going to rape you and let you carry our undead pirate babies" he said.

Elizabeth stared at him in shock.

"Hah! Got you" Barbossa said and laughed, then he took out a golden medallion. "This is no a trinket lady, this is cursed Aztec gold. One of 180 identical ones they delivered to Cortez himself…"

"Who's Cortez?" Elizabeth asked.

"That is not important. The point is that they are cursed" Barbossa said.

"I hardly believe in ghost stories anymore" Elizabeth said.

"I didn't either before we found the chest on an island that couldn't be found…"

"How did you find it if it couldn't be found?"

"Will you stop interrupting? We took them all! Then we spent them all on food and imported anime-DVDs" Barbossa said.

"Those things are expensive..."

"Shut the hell up while I'm talking. The more we gave away the more we realised that the drink would not satisfy, food turned to ash in our mouths, and the anime turned out to be dubbed by 4kids. We are cursed men miss. Turner"

"How sad for you. But what does this have to do with me?" Elizabeth asked.

"The only way we can lift the curse is by giving back the gold and the blood of every soul who touched them" Barbossa explained. "Now we've finally found the final piece. AND the blood that has to be repayed. That's why there's no sense in killing you yet"

Elizabeth gasped and ran out of the room, forgetting she was on a ship so she couldn't escape anyway…oh yeah and there were skeletons on the deck. Elizabeth gasped again.

"You better start believing in ghost stories, because you're in one" Barbossa laughed. "And a pretty darn random one at that".

As on cue, Barbossa's phone rang, Elizabeth gazed at the phone with a puzzled expression, as she was sure cell phones were not invented yet on this world.

Barboassa answered it. "Aye?"

"Can you see me?" a creepy voice asked.

"Aye, you're behind my pink flower-curtains. Get out" Barbossa said.

"Oh snap" said a strange man in a mask who came out from behind the curtains, that were in fact pink and decorated with flowers, and walked out. A while later the sound of something hitting the water was heard.

When Barbossa turned around he noticed Elizabeth was still staring at him.

"I told you it was random…" he said.

--

A while later our happy 5 five friends (happy because they had just consumed 99 bottles of beer that were standing on the wall inside the interceptor…Well _Captain_ Jack Sparrow was a bit down because it didn't have any rum but oh well) found themselves on said Island that could not be found, staring down at the pirates who were partying so it seemed..

Barbossa was standing near a big treasure chest with Elizabeth.

"Every last piece that went astray has been returned save for this" Barbossa said.

"Man, he's about as dramatic as you" _Captain_ Jack Sparrow whispered to Will.

"Shut up, for that we won't be naming our rabbit after you, only our goldfish" Will said. "Which Jim will probably flush down the toilet after watching Finding Nemo when he's 5."

"You've got your life all planned out haven't you?" Sora asked.

"And now the blood will be repaid to free us from this curse forever!" Barbossa continued his speech, and pulled out a knife with which he cut Elizabeth's hand with. The medallion fell out of her hand with the blood on it.

"Wow…that's something you don't see everyday" Sora said.

"What?" Donald asked.

"Blood in a Disney-movie…" Sora said.

"Hey…where'd Will go?" Goofy asked.

Said Will was on his way down the cliff, he snatched Elizabeth and ran of, while all the pirates could do was stare at him puzzled, and wonder why they were still skeletons… so much for that theory.

"That was the least thought-through plan ever" Donald said.

"What did you expect? He's drunk" _Captain_Jack Sparrow said, then they all followed Will.

However they soon noticed the pirates followed them too.

"They're after us!" Goofy said, stating the obvious.

"What shall we do?" Will said.

"Well, we're the heroes. We'll hold them of while you ready the ship" Sora said.

Will and Elizabeth ran back, leaving Sora, Donald, Goofy and _Captain_Jack Sparrow to fight of the pirates.

The undead pirates readied their crossbows and shot, and for some reason the bows made gun-noises.

"Well that was odd" Sora said.

"Darn censorship" the pirates grunted. "They could allow guns in the movie but in a game? Naaaay."  
Sora and the gang beat up the pirates with more appropriately-sounding weapons (meaning, a keyshaped-sword, a shield, a broomstick and a knife…suddenly the pirates' weapons didn't look so ridiculous after all) and ran back towards the Interceptor.

Meanwhile Will and Elizabeth were having a private moment.

"Is it true you gave Barbossa my name instead of yours?" Will asked.

"Yeah…well, I thought they would never kidnap me if they thought I was related to someone as unimportant as you" Elizabeth said.

"Gee…lucky" Will said, then he noticed the medallion that she was holding, she had snatched it back from the pirates for some reason. "Where did you get that?"

"It's yours. I stole it from you the day we found you drifting at sea" Elizabeth said.

"I thought I had lost it. It was a gift from my father, he sent it to me before he got killed at sea by…"

"Will for the last time, no one gives a damn about your tragic past" Elizabeth warned him.

"Oh…right. I get it! It wasn't your blood they needed, it was my father's blood. And mine" Will said. "The blood of a pirate who sailed the seven seas in many years before…"

"OH WILL YOU SHUT THE HELL UP?"

The two went up at the top of the boat again and left the island with the foursome who had just returned from their heroic quest.

But after a while of sailing Elizabeth noticed something.

"Will look!" She yelled.

Everyone ran over to her side of the boat and saw the Black Pearl catching up with them.

"If it's not heartless it's undead pirates" Sora sighed.

"I thought you liked beating up bad guys?" Donald asked.

"Yea but not INVULNERABLE bad guys" Sora said. "Now…what would Brian Boitano do in this situation?"

But the gang didn't have time to ponder about this South Park-quote as the pirates fired a cannon at the Interceptor, so all the heroes fell over, Will fell of the boat.

"WILL!" Elizabeth yelled.

"Get down before you get shot!" Goofy yelled.

"I just realised what Brian Boitano would do!" Sora said. "He'd make a plan and he'd follow trhough, that's what Brian Boitano'd do!"

"And does anyone HAVE a plan?" Donald asked.

"We're just gonna have to fight!" Sora said, not trying a least bit to hide his enthusiasm. The moon had come out again, meaning the pirates were no longer invulnerable.

They fought of the pirates, and finally beat them.

"Yay! We beat the pirates!" Sora said.

"Well did you now?" said a voice.

Sora turned around and saw Barbossa standing under the sails with some of his henchmen, holding Elizabeth and _Captain_ Jack Sparrow captive…how did they miss all those pirates? Because they're dorks, that's why.

"Now why don't you just hand over that medallion" Barbossa said, pointing to the medallion which Sora had picked up after Will fell overboard. "Or we're going to show just how unlike regular Disney villains we are and ruthlessly murder them.

"Barbossa!" said a new voice.

Everyone looked up and stared at Will, who was standing on the sails, wondering how on earth he got there.

"She goes free!" he said, pointing a gun at the pirates.

"Go ahead shoot. Does the word invulnerable mean anything to you?" Barbossa said.

"You can't but I can!" Will said. "My name is Will Turner, my father as Bootstrap Bill Turner, whom I never even got to know since he was out on the sea all the time, stood up for his captain but was…"

He was cut of…as Barbossa shot him.

"Hey…we needed his blood didn't we?" one of the pirates said.

"Oh dang. He was just so annoying" Barbossa said. "But that's okay, he's just unconscious. This is a game anyway, he can get shot plenty of times before he dies. Well no reason to stay around here anymore, we'll leave, but the heartless stays!"

Pete suddenly appeared, picking up the unconscious Will and left with the pirates, leaving behind a whole bunch of heartless.

"YIHAA! LET'S KILL SOME HEARTLESS!" Sora yelled.

Donald, Goofy, Elizabeth and_Captain_ Jack Sparrow just stood by watching as Sora beat up the heartless all by himself, and afterwards they knocked him out cold again.

_Captain_ Jack Sparrow ran to the steering wheel, about to follow the pearl.

"That's the second time I would have to watch that man sail away on my ship" he said. "But at least I'm not on a deserted island with no other company than an annoying girl this time."

"Hey!" Elizabeth said.

--

Later back in the treasure chamber, Barbossa was once again having his speech as Sora and the gang entered, Sora now had two large bumps on his head but that didn't seem to bother him.

"Ahoy! Treasure mateys!" he said, stating the obvious yet again.

"Impossible!" Barbossa said.

"Well duh, you left us to fight heartless. Have you got ANY idea how many of these little critters we've killed over the past year?" Sora said.

"I didn't know that…" Barbossa said and gazed at Pete.

"You don't get newspapers around here?" Pete said.

"No…it's kind of hard to get it delivered when you sail the seas all the time" Barbossa said. "After them!"

Sora and the gang quickly finished of the pirates and rescued Will as Jack fought Barbossa, though it was a bit tricky since he was invulnerable and all…. Especially when Barbossa stabbed Jack.

"Are you sure this is a Disney-movie?" Sora asked Will.

Jack backed of into a ray of moonlight…and turned into a skeleton.

"Jack…you kleptomaniac bastard" Will said.

"Well duh…I'm a pirate" Jack said innocently.

"Pete! The tide has changed!" Barbossa yelled.

The fat cat appeared just behind Barbossa.

"See? I told yah you'd be needing old Pete" he said and whistled.

A lizard like heartless crawled down and soon all the moonlight coming from above disappeared, the only thing visible was the heartless' eyes, so Sora lunged his keyblade right in between said eyes, making Barbossa visible again.

"Oh snap…" Pete said and backed of. "This ain't over!" he said before he ran of like the coward he is.

"Care to surrender Barbossa?" _Captain_ Jack Sparrow asked.

Barbossa replied by pulling his sword at him again.

"Right…enough of this then" _Captain_ Jack Sparrow said and pulled out a Shoop Da Woop Laser. "What say we call this a draw?"

"Fancy as that laser might be, I'm immortal you big moron" Barbossa said.

"Laugh while you can Barbossa!" Will suddenly yelled, and then he threw two medallions into the treasure chest, all covered in blood.

Barbossa stared at him in shock, then at _Captain_ Jack Sparrow who yelled "IMMA FIRIN MY LASARS!" and shot him.

"Now that's something you don't see in every Disney-movie…hey! Why was the pirates' guns censored but not that laser?" Sora said.

Donald replied by knocking him out again.

"Gawrsh, why did you do that?" Goofy asked.

"I just like knocking him out" Donald said.

"Maybe you need to see a shrink too…" Goofy said.

--

The gang soon made their way back to the ships, Donald was forced to carry Sora.

"What now Jack?" Will asked.

"Now I can do whatever I want, now that the Pearl is mine again" _Captain_ Jack Sparrow said.

"That she is. Thank you Jack, maybe I will name our rabbit after you after all" Will said.

"Well then at least get a Holland lop, Netherland Dwarves are so small and cowardly" _Captain_ Jack Sparrow advised him. "I wouldn't want anyone to name such a rabbit after me!"

"Hey Jack! Good luck!" Sora said.

"And remember to be good!" Donald said.

"Garwsh Sora…weren't you just knocked out?" Goofy asked.

"I'm off!" _Captain_ Jack Sparrow said and turned towards his ship.

Soon Elizabeth came running; she had been waiting for the gang on the Interceptor,

_Captain_ Jack Sparrow held out his arms to greet her.

"WILL!" she yelled, and completely ignored _Captain_ Jack Sparrow as she ran towards her boyfriend.

"Hey Sora…why is your face all red?" Goofy said. "You're not thinking of doing dirty stuff with Kairi again are you?"

"What? It is not! And I never think that!" Sora said. "Though…for a minute I was worried we would loose Donald to the curse of the Aztec treasure".

"What? Do I have to knock you out again?" Donald said.

"I sure wonder how you WOULD look like as an undead skeleton-duck though" Sora said, and gazed at Donald.

"That's it! We're going back to the gummi ship RIGHT NOW!" Donald said.

* * *

**Usagi: hope you liked that!**

**And before I forget, I should probably answer the question asked in the last chapterXD**

**There Final Fantasy Characters appearing were Cloud Strife (not Sephiroth as many seemed to think for some reason…last time I checked his hair wasn't very spiky), Vincent Valentine (who was unfairly enough not in KH…pity), Yuffie Kisaragi, and Aerith (who really should stop talking… it sounded okay in Advent Children but in KH2 I almost wish she did suffer the same fate as in FF VII)**

**Zakura: for someone who's never played another FF-game than FF Tactics Advance and the start of X-2 you sure know a lot about the seventh game of the series…**

**Usagi: Thank Wikipedia, and random spoilers elsewhere, it's hard not to notice. **

**Please review everyone! **


	19. Arabian Nightmare

**Usagi: hello everyone, terribly sorry for the long wait. I've been busy…**

**Zakura: busy is right…since the last time this was updated you finished Lost in Darkness AND uploaded 6 chapters of its sequel! **

**Usagi: Yeah yeah. Either way here's the new chapter. Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter XIX**

**Arabian Nightmare**

* * *

The gang made it to Agrabah without any big difficulties, unless you think being attacked by 1231343 nobodies on the way is "difficult". Sora found it harder to actually count them all than to fight them though, but neither of his friends seemed to understand why he would need to count them in the first place.

As they walked into the city however, they were unaware that they were being watched.

"You know…I have a strange feeling of being watched" Sora said, before a loose brick fell into his head.

**Idiot! You're supposed to be unaware!**

"Okay okay fine! I am having a strange feeling of NOT being watched then" Sora said.

**Good boy. Now that wasn't so hard was it?**

Sora glared up in the sky where the brick had come from, assuming the fourth wall to be up there somewhere.

"I wonder how Aladdin and Jasmine are doing" Goofy said.

"Hey yeah…maybe Riku's with them!" Sora said.

"And the king!" Goofy said.

"You guys are awfully optimistic…why on earth would they be here?" Donald asked.

"And maybe even Leon is with them!" Sora said.

"And Yuffie!" Goofy said.

"And Cloud!"

"And Zack!"

"And Sephiroth!"

"And Tarzan!"

"And Jasmine!"

"And Michael Jackson!"

"And Sora!"

"_You're_ Sora! Let's just go already!" Donald said.

"Come on Donald, you were thinking the same thing" Sora said.

"No I wasn't!" Donald said. "If anyone would be with Aladdin and Jasmine it would be… Iago".

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard" Sora said.

"You're right, it IS stupid. Iago can't be with Aladdin and Jasmine because he's right there" Goofy said.

Donald and Sora turned around quickly and summoned their weapons. Sora had the SDW laser key chainsaw out again…that's right, against a bird!

"Wait you've got me all wrong!" Iago screamed.

"Oh you're Iago alright, you're even wearing a name-tag!" Sora said. "Cept it says "Rosa" for some reason…"

Iago stared at the nametag and ripped it of. "Damn, I took the wrong one…but what I mean is; it's not the old me! I've turned over a new feather! No more scams! No more crackers! No more making fun of Sora's mother! I promise!" Iago said.

"You were making fun of my mother?" Sora asked.

"I was stuck in the lamp with Jafar remember? But I escaped!" Iago said. "I wanna apologize to Aladdin and Jasmine…and Sora's mom…could you guys maybe put in a good word for me?"

"Sure, we can do that, right guys?" Goofy said.

"Good, but first: WATCH OUT!" Iago screamed.

Several heartless popped out of the ground, Iago flew away because he was too small to fight them anyway, but then accidentally knocked over random trash which crushed the heartless.

"Well that was easy" Sora said. "Now let's go find Aladdin, Jasmine, Riku, the king, and all those people!"

But at the palace they didn't find that huge amount of people they expected to find, instead they found only Jasmine standing with her back turned on them.

"YO JASMINE! Got any heartless-troubles lately?!" Sora yelled as they entered, Jasmine turned around so fast she fell back in shock and crashed into the wall behind her.

"Ow…no…I think we are alright for now…don't ever do that again" she said rubbing her head.

"Sorry…where's Aladdin?" Sora asked.

"And Riku, the king, Leon, Yuffie, Cloud, Zack, Sephiroth, Tarzan and Michael Jackson?" Goofy asked.

Jasmine looked at Goofy with a puzzled expression. "I don't know about those other people…but Aladdin is out in the city somewhere. He's seemed sad lately" she said. "He's gone again today, what if he doesn't come back this time?"

"Hey! Maybe he's got a lover! I know! I'll go find out who it is then you can get a divorce!" Iago said. "Just make sure you get custody of the kids!"  
"First of…we're not married and we don't have kids… second…Iago! Quick Sora! Catch him! And I'll go warn the guards and everyone in the palace!" Jasmine said.

"Don't you think that's a little extreme? He's only a parrot…" Sora said. "And besides he's…"

But it was too late, Jasmine was already gone.

"Nice move" Sora told the bird.

"Maybe it was something you said" Goofy said.

"Well duh" Donald added.

"Maybe we should go talk to Aladdin, I bet he must be somewhere in the town right?" Goofy said.

"Good idea, I wonder what he's been doing" Sora said. "And if that new girlfriend of his is hotter than Kairi or Namine".

"Who's Namine?" Donald asked.

"The girl I don't remember. Duh" Sora said.

* * *

As the trio and their two new comrades walked out of the city, they suddenly heard a scream.

"Stop thief!"

Suddenly a capuchin monkey ran past them, followed by Aladdin, followed by a shop keeper.

"Hi Sora, Donald, Goofy, Iago, strange man in cloak. Bye Sora, Donald, Goofy, Iago, strange man in cloak" Aladdin said as he ran past them.

"What was that about?" Sora said.  
"I dunno…who is he?" Donald asked.

"Nobody, got it memorized?" the man in cloak answered before disappearing into a portal.

"Let's go follow him! Aladdin that is…not the man in cloak..." Sora said.

When they found Aladdin, he and the shop keeper had cornered Abu.

"If you can't control that football, put a leash on him!" the shop keeper said. "Or better yet, put him in a cage, then put that cage in another cage, then put a leash on THAT cage".

"Look I'm sorry" Aladdin said and took the black lamp from Abu which he gave to the shop keeper. "No hard feelings right?"

"I have a big sale on leashes and cages if you're interested" the shop keeper said.

"Well that explains it…" Aladdin said as he left.

"What's going on here?" Sora asked.

"You know Abu, he couldn't keep his paws of that lamp" Aladdin said as Abu started jumping and screeching.

"HEY! That was Jafar's lamp!" Iago said.

"OMG! NO WAI! HOW DO YOU KNOW?? And while we are at it what are you doing here?" Aladdin asked.

"…saving kittens?" Iago suggested.

"That makes sense. Now why do you think that was Jafar's lamp" Aladdin asked.

"Because there is only one black lamp in these movies" Iago said.

Aladdin and the gang stared at him.

"Oh" they said eventually.

* * *

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Pretty please with sugar on top?"

"For the last time NO! I am not trading this lamp for a speaker system!" the shop keeper said angrily at Sora.

"Don't use that tone against my son!" a voice from the speakers standing on the table said.

"…Your mom talks to you trhough a speaker system" the shop keeper asked.

"Yeah…I've never really seen her in person" Sora said. "Could be that she IS a speaker system…but I haven't asked."  
"I can hear you you know" the speaker system said.

"Well it still isn't enough. This is a very valuable lamp" the shop keeper said.

"The price tag says ten bucks" Sora said.

"It was on sale" the shop keeper said and pulled the tag of. "But now its not. You should have come earlier. Now it's 1050 yen."

"How much is that?" Sora asked Donald.  
"Ten bucks" Donald replied.

"Aw…we don't have that kind of money" Sora sighed.

"Well we just got to go to the cave of wonders and bring him some treasure from that place" Aladdin said.

"But didn't you say that the last time you tried to take anything but the lamp the whole cave collapsed on you and you almost got drowned in lava?" Sora said.

"Silly Sora, you can't drown in lava, you'd burn to a crisp the moment you touch it. Now let's go!" Aladdin said and ran out of the store.

"Well that was reassuring. Come on!" Sora said and ran after him.

--

"This is it, the cave of wonders" Iago said.

They had gone out into the desert and were now standing in front of a cave that was shaped like a rabbit's head.

"Wasn't it supposed to be a tiger?" Sora asked.

"It was…but the rabbit ate the tiger" Aladdin explained. "Now let's go inside."

They entered the cave and went trhough plenty of obstacles the writer was too lazy to write about and eventually found the treasure chamber, which was filled to the brim with gold, and in the end was a ten-dollar bill on a pillar.

"That one should do it" Aladdin said, pointing towards the ten dollar bill. "Now lets go get that lamp".

Meanwhile, Iago and Abu were about to move a small golden statue out of the chamber.

"Hey! Stop that!" Donald said and grabbed the statue…and started to carry it out of the chamber.

"…Put that back" Sora said.

"Aw…" Donald sighed and put the statue back in its place.

But the gang was unaware that they were being watched, Pete sneaked out of the cave while no one was looking.

* * *

Later the gang went back to the store, only to find it empty.

"Hand over that lamp!" Someone suddenly yelled from the outside.

"Oh no I won't! I'm trading it for treasure! This lamp is going to bring me ten bucks!"

It was the voices of Pete and the shop keeper, the gang ran outside to see them running around on the bazaar.

"Why didn't we notice them before?" Sora asked.

"Because you are an idiot, let's go get him" Aladdin said.

They followed Pete and the shop keeper, just in time to see the fat cat grab the lamp.

"I win" he said, holding the shop keeper down while holding the lamp up in the air with the other hand.

"Yoink!" Iago sad and grabbed it before crashing into a wall.

"Stupid bird brain" Pete said and picked up the lamp. "Just wait till Jafar is free; he's going to make one beauty of a heartless".

But just how beautiful of a heartless Jafar would be come we would never know, cause then suddenly a blue genie appeared.

"I'M HOME!" the genie yelled and glomped Pete. "Al I've missed you so much! You've put on weight…"

"Genie…" Aladdin said.

Genie looked from him, to Pete, then back to Aladdin, then once again at Pete.

"EW!" he suddenly yelled before throwing Pete into a nearby wall (which happened to be the same wall Iago was plastered at) and hugged Aladdin.

"OW…I'll teach you to make a fool out of me" Pete said and got up. "I'm gonna get you yet!" And then he ran of like the pussy he is.

"Hey…he left the lamp" Sora said and picked it up. "Let's rub it and wish for all the heartless to die a slow and preferably extremely painful death!"

"I don't think that's a good idea" Aladdin said and snapped the lamp out of his hands. "We'd be better of putting it under a rock in the basement."

"Yeah…we could do that too" Sora said.

* * *

**Usagi: Finished! And about the money… 1050 yen equals 10 dollars according to my cell phone, so that should be about right. **

**Zakura: He didn't raise the price by much; he just changed the currency…**

**Usagi: that he did… Now why they would use Yen and Dollars in Agrabah when they use Munny everywhere else is beyond me. **

**Usagi: everything about this fanfic is extremely messed up…**

**Please review everyone! And I'll try to update Heart Wars too before finishing the next chapter of DoH… **


	20. This is Christmasween

**Usagi: So sorry once again for the long wait. You'd think I'd be more exited about this chapter as it includes Halloween Town...and Sora is extremely cute in Halloween Town.**

**Zakura: is he dressed as a rabbit?**

**Usagi: ...no**

**Zakura: then I'm not interested.**

**Usagi: okay...but then to those who are, here's chapter 20:**

* * *

**Chapter XX**

**This is...Christmasween**

* * *

The World that Never Was

A dog walked around in the World that Never Was, looking lost and lonely.

_Where are the animal cops when you need them? Hello, stray dog over here_ Pluto thought.

He spotted a person walking nearby and ran up to him, but then the person disappeared into thin air.

Pluto was sad and lonely again, but then he heard a whistle, he turned around and saw a cloaked guy standing there holding a ball.

"You want the ball? You want the ball? Go get it boy!" the man said and threw the ball into a dark portal.

Ecstatic, Pluto followed it.

* * *

Destiny Islands

Meanwhile Kairi was standing on the beach, staring at the island, like she thought Sora would show up if she stare at it hard enough.

"I don't think that's gonna help" Tidus said, why he was there no one quite knew.

"Go away Tidus, you're not supposed to be in this fanfic" Kairi said.

"Aw, why can't I be in it?" Tidus asked.

"Because its in the script, look" Kairi said and held up the script for today's chapter. It said "Tidus: (Isn't there)". In fact it said so on every page. Why the script writer decided to mention him despite him not being there was a mystery yet to be revealed.

"I agree with the kid! If you have a dream don't wait for it, act. Got it memorized?" a voice said, and out of a portal came Axel. "I happen to know Sora, why don't we go see him?" he asked holding out his hand to Kairi.

"Who are you?" Tidus asked, but before he got an answer a ball came flying out of nowhere and hit him in the back of his head, knocking him out, and then Pluto showed up and grabbed the ball, presenting it to Kairi as if he wanted her to throw it again.

A whole bunch of dusks surrounded the tree (that is, Pluto, Kairi and the unconscious Tidus) but then a whistle was heard again.

The cloaked guy ran out of the portal where the ball had previously come from, grabbed said ball out of Pluto's mouth and ran over to the portal again. "You want the ball back? Do you? Go get it!" he said and threw it into the portal.

Pluto followed, but Kairi just stood there staring at the man in surprise.

"Ignore him! We both have something in common Kairi, we both miss someone we care about" Axel said. "I feel like we're friends already".

Kairi wasn't quite sure who to trust, random guy nr 1 who was being rude and sending evil things at her, or random guy nr 2 who threw a ball at Tidus.

Random Guy nr 2 then pulled a book out of his pocket.

"Hey! That's my diary! I've been looking for that for days!" Kairi yelled.

"You want the diary? You want it? Go get it girl!" the random guy said and threw the diary into the portal, Kairi ran after it and the portal closed as soon as she had gotten in.

Axel glared at the other guy for quite some time.

"I am so going to kill you for that" he said and pulled out a chakram. "Wait... where's the other one?" he asked.

The other guy pulle out the chakram from another pocket.

"You want it? Do you want it? Go and get it!" he said before throwing Axel's weapon at sea, Axel screamed and jumped after it, before remembering that he couldn't swim so he fell into the water and started shouting for help.

"Gets them every time" the other guy said and left, after drawing a funny moustache on the still unconscious Tidus.

* * *

Nowhere

Kairi and Pluto walked around in the middle of nowhere.

"Now where did that guy throw my diary?" she wondered out loud. She heard a whistle and sure enough, there stood the guy again with her diary in his hand. "You still want it? You still want it? Go get it girl!" he said and threw the diary into a portal before disappearing.

"This is getting REALLY annoying" Kairi said, but walked into the portal anyway.

* * *

Twilight Town

It was a fairly normal day for Olette, Pence and Hayner.

"How is the tea Olette?" Pence asked.

"It tastes great Pence, best tea I have ever had" Olette said.

"This...is just disturbing" Hayner said, staring at his two friends, when suddenly a book flew at the back of his head knocking him out.

"Oh my, that book just flew out of nowhere" Pence said and walked over to investigate.

Then suddenly a girl flew out of nowhere and hit him, knocking him out, before a dog fell at the girl knocking HER out.

"What the f000?" Olette said.

* * *

Halloween Town

Sora jumped out of the gummi ship, dressed in a vampire costume an quickly followed by Goofy dressed like a zombie an Donald who looked completely normal.

Goofy and Sora stared at him.

"What? My costume is in the washing machine" Donald said.

"That can be fixed" Sora said, and both him and Goofy pulled out rolls of toilet paper.

Two seconds later and Donald was completely wrapped up in paper.

"Mfmmfm" Donald said.

"What was that? I can't hear you?" Sora said.

"He's talking more gibberish than usual" Goofy said.

"Never mind that, let's go to Halloween Town!" Sora said and ran into the town as enthusiastic as ever.

The two animals followed him, just in time to see a sleight pulled by eight flying reindeer skeletons fly down.

"OMFGBBQ! ITS SANTA CLAUSE!" Sora shouted, but as the sleight landed it was clear it was not Santa Clause, it was just Jack Skellington.

"Merry Christmas!" Jack shouted.

"Don't you mean Happy Scare-the-Living-Crap-out-of-Little-Kids-day?" Sora asked.

"You mean Halloween right?" Jack said.

"Yeah, some may call it that" Sora said.

"Okay...well you see, Halloween Town is going to handle Christmas too this year, but first we have to see Sally, she's working on something now self-respecting Sandy Claws can do without" Jack said.

"Sandy Claws?" Sora asked, turning towards his friends.

"I think he means Santa Clause" Goofy said.

"OMGFBBQ WE'RE GONNA SEE SANTA CLAUSE?" Sora yelled.

"NO ONE SAID THAT" Donald yelled just after he'd been able to tear the toilet paper of his beak.

They followed Jack into the laboratory, where they met three kids (who ran screaming out of the room the moment Sora entered screaming something about vampires coming to suck their blood) and Doctor Finkelstein reading some book.

"Hello Doctor, have you seen Sally?" Jack asked.

"Can't you see I'm in the middle of an experiment?" Finkelstein said and walked over to a robot...which exploded in his face. "IMBESILES! NOW MY EXPERIMENT IS RUINED!"

"Er...who are you talking to?" Sora asked.

Dr. Finklestein looked around the room. "Where'd Lock, Shock and Barrel go?" he asked.

"They ran out, frightened Sora was going to drink their blood or something" Donald said as Sora started pouting.

Just then Sally entered the room and Jack ran over to her.

"Is it finished? I wanna show my friends! Please say it's finished!" Jack said.

"Sorry Jack, I need a bit more time" Sally said.

"Aaaaaaw!" Jack groaned. "Oh well...I've got to go see Sandy claws anyway. See you later" he added and ran out the door, before he came in again.

"Say...are those strange looking fellows in the Town Square with you?" he asked.

"If you mean Donald and Goofy then yes" Sora said.

"We're standing right here moron, we're not in the Town Square!" Donald said.

"No not those. Those things that wanted to spoil Halloween and Christmas...what were they called again...heartless?" Jack asked.

"They're not with us. But I'll take care of them for you, and then WE CAN GO SEE SANTA!" Sora shouted.

Donald glared at him.

"What?" Sora asked.

"Just don't even think about drinking his blood" the duck said.

"I wasn't going to..." Sora said.

"Yes you were, that's all you ever think of when you are in this world!"  
"Just a small drop?"

"No Sora! Bad vampire!" Donald said and hit Sora in the head with his staff. "Now let's go get those heartless".

Sora whimpered.

While our heroes were off slaughtering heartless, Lock Shock and Barrel were out on a trip with their walking bathtub when they suddenly crashed into some old hag.

"Who's that?" Lock asked.

"Silence! Perhaps you three can be of use to me...come along kids" Maleficent said.

"Mom says we're not allowed to talk to strangers" Barrel said.

"I'll give you candy" Maleficent said.

"Then what are we waiting for??" Shock yelled.

Meanwhile, after ten minutes of mindless slaughter Jack, Sora, Donald and Goofy were getting ready to leave.

"Alright body guards! Christmas town is this way!" Jack said.

"OMFGBBQ! WE'RE GOING TO SEE SANTA!" Sora yelled.

"And if you keep saying that you won't get to go" Jack said.

Sora groaned.

* * *

**Usagi: ****Christmas**** Town comes in the next chapter because I was too lazy to add both, but you've ****got**** The world that Never ****Was****, Destiny Islands, Betwixt and Between, Twilight Town AND Halloween Town in one chapter so don't complain.**

**Sora: OMFGBBQ WE'RE GOING TO SEE SANTA!**

**Riku: SANTA DOESN'T EXIST!**

**Sora: THEN WHO ARE WE GOING TO SEE?**

**Riku: I dunno…**

**Goofy: (Now dressed as a lion) We're of to see the Wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz.**

**Jack: does he run Christmas?**

**Usagi: no he doesn't. You're going to see Santa Clause weather you like it or not!**

**Sora: YAY!**

**Usagi: PLEASE REVIEW! Or else Santa is going to put you on the Naughty list and you won't like that. **

**Zakura: espesially if VGcats was right and the Naughty List is in fact…THE DEATH NOTE!**


End file.
